STFU and MYOB

People don’t know when to mind their own business. Unsolicited advice, uninformed opinions and the ability to leave comments leaves you with a shitload of experts who think that reading Wikipedia that one time gives them a PhD in Other People’s Lifesioligy.  I’ve devised a simple test to let you know if you should have an opinion on a particular topic. If the answer to any of these questions is no, then you should probably STFU and MYOB.

Hair
1) Did it grow from your scalp?
2) Is it on the head of your offspring?
3) Did anybody ask you?

Vaginas
1) Does the vagina belong to you?
2) Have you been given permission by the vagina owner to insert your penis?
3) Did anybody ask you?

Spanking
1) Is the child bleeding?
2) Are there any broken bones?
3) Did anybody ask you?

Relationships
1) Are you a member of the relationship?
2) Have you earned some type of certification awarded by an accredited organization granting you the authorization to dispense advice?
3) Did anybody ask you?

Body Weight
1) Is it your body?
2) Have you earned some type of certification awarded by an accredited organization granting you the authorization to dispense advice?
3) Did anybody ask you?

Money
1) Does it belong to you?
2) Is it owed to you?
3) Did anybody ask you?

If you have answered any of these questions about any of these topics negatively and you still feel the need to dispense advice, you’re beyond saving. God help us all.