Deconstructing Nicki

@QtipTheAbstract @NICKIMINAJ is doing queens justice… She has the borough blessing for sure! Support her movement!

I was a tad bit taken aback by this tweet and felt the need to analyze the Nicki Minaj Phenomenon. Perhaps there are no educators, community leaders, or successful entrepreneurs with actual movements in Queens. Or maybe movement is being defined, in this situation, as the physical act of projecting one’s body from point A to point B. I need to look into this chick and see what the hell she’s all about because I just don’t get it. Maybe I need to join the masses and rage against the machine all while listening to catchy music. Of course, my knowledge of radio music is very mediocre…who sings that? Oh!…so I decided to do a little research so that I could support the movement with a clear unfettered understanding. Sadly, I was disappointed with what I discovered. VERY disappointed. Not only did I discover she didn’t have an actual movement, but Lil Kim kicked off this same alleged movement in Queens over ten years ago. Here is the data:

Like Lil Kim, 93% of what Nicki Minaj says is nonsensical Nicki isn’t the first rapper to say some dumb shit. In Mary J. Blige’s I Can Love You, Kimmy says “Sitting on your Ninja Honda with Tanisha and Rhonda” (Kawasaki makes Ninjas, and wouldn’t one say Kawasaki before Ninja…don’t try to force the rhyme). Or my favorite blunder in “No Matter What They Say,” Ms. Jones says, “El niña, el niño…” My Spanish skills are subpar and even I know that the damn article has to match the damn noun…la niña, maybe? So when Nicki decided to showcase her lyricism by reciting the names of Santa’s reindeer, I was instantly reminded of Lil Kim’s lyrical blunders. I’m not sure if Nicki Minaj has made errors like Kim, but she really says some dumb shit. That Bottoms Up song has firmly planted itself into songs I body roll to so I was forced to listen to more Nickiisms. “Rest in Peace to Anna Nicole Smith”? Ooookaaayyyy…..Maybe I’m underestimating her intelligence. Maybe George W. Bush will decide he likes black people. Keys to the Benz? Keys to the Benz!

97% of the time, Random Voices will appear out of nowhere Someone must have cut out the scene in Notorious when Biggie told K.I.M that she needs to lower her voice an octave for people to take her rap game seriously. I’m sure in the Weezy F. Baby Saga, we’ll hear Lil Wayne tell Darling Nicki that the only way she’ll make it is to sound like Malibu, Peaches N’ Cream AND Feelin’ Fun Barbie, all in the same verse. Sorry Nicki, Lil Kim trumps you again. She had the ill deep throat voice a long, long time ago. She also sang lyrics, too…better luck being innovative next time. As an aside, my favorite female rap voice was first heard in 1986, MC Lyte. Contrary to Kim and Nicki, Lyte actually sounds the same whether she’s rapping or talking, and the timbre of her voice makes you want to hear more. Nicki, unfortunately, makes me wonder which Barbie I opened on Christmas morning. Fahka! Fahka! Fahka!

Nicki Minaj’s style is Green…100% Recycled Lady Gaga is the QUEEN of Musical Fashion….Kanye West is runner up. Nicki Minaj is, well…she wears a bob with bangs and now so does everyone else. (Note: I wore a bob with bangs in 2005 so do I get credit for helping start the movement?) Lil Kim wore a purple pasty on her bare titty with a purple wig and a purple jumpsuit at the 1999 MTV awards!!! DIANA FUCKING ROSS jiggled said bare titty!!!! If a living legend handling your goods because it’s hanging out of your ensemble doesn’t constitute launching a movement then what on earth do you have to fucking wear to launch one?!?! There’s not a damn thing about Nicki Minaj’s style that Kim didn’t do in the 90’s, plastic surgery and all.

Before anyone calls me a hater, two things: 1) Go back and read my post on haters and 2) Fuck you! Ya mama’s a hater! Just like Lil Kim, Nicki Minaj has the ability to go hard. Her verse on Monster was a killer, like Kim’s on Quiet Storm Remix, and if that’s the lyrical course she’s on, I’ll give her another shot. I’m not saying she’s not making moves in the entertainment industry, her presence is felt….hmmm kinda like the Black Panther movement (Queen Bee wins again)….but as far as Nicki Minaj herself being an actual movement? I’m not sure that’s the direction I want the little girls I teach to go in.

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