Deconstructing Nicki

@QtipTheAbstract @NICKIMINAJ is doing queens justice… She has the borough blessing for sure! Support her movement!

I was a tad bit taken aback by this tweet and felt the need to analyze the Nicki Minaj Phenomenon. Perhaps there are no educators, community leaders, or successful entrepreneurs with actual movements in Queens. Or maybe movement is being defined, in this situation, as the physical act of projecting one’s body from point A to point B. I need to look into this chick and see what the hell she’s all about because I just don’t get it. Maybe I need to join the masses and rage against the machine all while listening to catchy music. Of course, my knowledge of radio music is very mediocre…who sings that? Oh!…so I decided to do a little research so that I could support the movement with a clear unfettered understanding. Sadly, I was disappointed with what I discovered. VERY disappointed. Not only did I discover she didn’t have an actual movement, but Lil Kim kicked off this same alleged movement in Queens over ten years ago. Here is the data:

Like Lil Kim, 93% of what Nicki Minaj says is nonsensical Nicki isn’t the first rapper to say some dumb shit. In Mary J. Blige’s I Can Love You, Kimmy says “Sitting on your Ninja Honda with Tanisha and Rhonda” (Kawasaki makes Ninjas, and wouldn’t one say Kawasaki before Ninja…don’t try to force the rhyme). Or my favorite blunder in “No Matter What They Say,” Ms. Jones says, “El niña, el niño…” My Spanish skills are subpar and even I know that the damn article has to match the damn noun…la niña, maybe? So when Nicki decided to showcase her lyricism by reciting the names of Santa’s reindeer, I was instantly reminded of Lil Kim’s lyrical blunders. I’m not sure if Nicki Minaj has made errors like Kim, but she really says some dumb shit. That Bottoms Up song has firmly planted itself into songs I body roll to so I was forced to listen to more Nickiisms. “Rest in Peace to Anna Nicole Smith”? Ooookaaayyyy…..Maybe I’m underestimating her intelligence. Maybe George W. Bush will decide he likes black people. Keys to the Benz? Keys to the Benz!

97% of the time, Random Voices will appear out of nowhere Someone must have cut out the scene in Notorious when Biggie told K.I.M that she needs to lower her voice an octave for people to take her rap game seriously. I’m sure in the Weezy F. Baby Saga, we’ll hear Lil Wayne tell Darling Nicki that the only way she’ll make it is to sound like Malibu, Peaches N’ Cream AND Feelin’ Fun Barbie, all in the same verse. Sorry Nicki, Lil Kim trumps you again. She had the ill deep throat voice a long, long time ago. She also sang lyrics, too…better luck being innovative next time. As an aside, my favorite female rap voice was first heard in 1986, MC Lyte. Contrary to Kim and Nicki, Lyte actually sounds the same whether she’s rapping or talking, and the timbre of her voice makes you want to hear more. Nicki, unfortunately, makes me wonder which Barbie I opened on Christmas morning. Fahka! Fahka! Fahka!

Nicki Minaj’s style is Green…100% Recycled Lady Gaga is the QUEEN of Musical Fashion….Kanye West is runner up. Nicki Minaj is, well…she wears a bob with bangs and now so does everyone else. (Note: I wore a bob with bangs in 2005 so do I get credit for helping start the movement?) Lil Kim wore a purple pasty on her bare titty with a purple wig and a purple jumpsuit at the 1999 MTV awards!!! DIANA FUCKING ROSS jiggled said bare titty!!!! If a living legend handling your goods because it’s hanging out of your ensemble doesn’t constitute launching a movement then what on earth do you have to fucking wear to launch one?!?! There’s not a damn thing about Nicki Minaj’s style that Kim didn’t do in the 90’s, plastic surgery and all.

Before anyone calls me a hater, two things: 1) Go back and read my post on haters and 2) Fuck you! Ya mama’s a hater! Just like Lil Kim, Nicki Minaj has the ability to go hard. Her verse on Monster was a killer, like Kim’s on Quiet Storm Remix, and if that’s the lyrical course she’s on, I’ll give her another shot. I’m not saying she’s not making moves in the entertainment industry, her presence is felt….hmmm kinda like the Black Panther movement (Queen Bee wins again)….but as far as Nicki Minaj herself being an actual movement? I’m not sure that’s the direction I want the little girls I teach to go in.

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People Don’t Make Love No More, All They Do is F*#@!

Did that fool Trey Songz really make a song saying he invented sex and then follow it up with a song about neighbors knowing his name?  He’s not the only R & B singer that has fallen into the trap of singing about fucking.  It seems like every artist being played on the radio can only talk about getting some, what they do while they’re getting some, and what they’re gonna being until the next time they get some.  I’m of the opinion (and if you know me, then you know I think my opinion is fact) that real music about sex doesn’t ever have to mention the word “sex”.  In fact, I think the best music to fornicate, adulterate, or do it to purposely exclude “sex”. Here is a list of five sexy songs where the sexual inneundos are sweet and subtle.  **Disclaimer:  I’m only including five because I don’t feel like extensively searching lyrics to back up my claim.  If you want to add or dispute, write your own list!

Summer Rain ~ Carl Thomas, Emotional

Sexy lyric – In the middle of the night when I’m alone

                      I feel her kisses on me even when she’s gone

                     Can’t wait til she gets home

Instead of saying, “I’m so horny cuz she not here,”  Carl expresses his desire to see his boo again by describing her kisses…not where she kisses, but that she kisses.  Use your imagination…

Take Off the Blues ~ The Foreign Exchange, Leave It All Behind

Sexy Lyric – And when the sun goes down

                       You’re feeling things you’ve never felt before

                       Nothing left to say to ease your fears

                       But I know just what to do

                       Let me take good care of you

Everyone has their first time with someone at some point in a sexual relationship and no matter how “experienced” you are, anxiety strikes when you really care about this person.  What better way to smooth away the nerves than hearing that your body is in good hands?  I vote “Yea” on being taken care of.

Down Here in Hell (With You)

Sexy Lyric – See, I wanna make you feel the fire

                       Wanna burn you with my bad days

                       Ooh, I wanna be unsatisfied

                       So you can feel the heat coming from me, baby

Anyone who has been in love before knows that there is nothing perfect about it.  The only thing for certain is nothing – you WILL disagree about something and what better way to make up than to make love.  Van Hunt has crafted a beautiful song about the ups and downs of love, and make up sex is best had to a song that describes exactly how you feel…I’d rather be miserable and in love with you than anywhere else.

Submerge:Till We Become the Sun ~ Maxwell, Embrya

Sexy Lyric – Let your atmosphere surround me

Maxwell makes some of the sexiest music ever written and plenty of his music could have earned a spot on my list, however, some include the word sex and had to be excluded (e.g. Sexiest song of all time: Til the Cops Come Knockin’).  The lyrics of “Submerge” are fairly simple…Til we become the sun…but I could listen to the instrumental and get a little moist just thinking about.  It’s a very fluid track, and fluids make me think of moisture and Maxwell and well….you know how it goes.  Anywho, I can think of nothing BUT sex when I hear this song and Maxwell never even utters the word…let me take a little break…WOOOOSSSAAAHHHH!!!!!!

And finally….

Nothing Even Matters ~ Lauryn Hill featuring D’Angelo, The Miseducation of Lauryn Hil

Sexy Lyric THE WHOLE SONG!

Lauryn describes love in a way that even the simplest fool could understand…man or woman.  But the sexiest part of the song is when she and D’Angelo repeat over and over, “Nothing but you…”  What a perfect way to describe a romantic moment than by only wanting it with the one you’re with.  I’m not sure if any man can make me feel that good if Toyota were to repossess my Camry but I could imagine it must be pretty damn good.

I’m pretty sure I’ve left off a million songs that could be included, but like I said…these are MY favorite five.  If you feel inclined to add to the list, go for it, but just know I WILL check to see if “sex” is in the lyrics.  

Make love, not babies.

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