My Wedges Look Better Than Your Timberlands

It’s come to my attention that men don’t like wedges. I already knew they didn’t like Uggs, cold toes, makeup, no makeup, weave, short hair, natural hair, straight hair but I was unaware that wedges were turning them off as well. I guess I need to gone head and throw away those new sequin TOMS I just bought because Lord knows I’d hate to wear something men have collectively decided they find unattractive. I don’t want to be lumped into a group of undesirable women based on my footwear choices. I make sure to keep my nails done, but not too flashy, my clothes updated, but not too trendy (because they don’t like trends either), and my body curvy but not too curvy lest I be called fat and out of shape. But today, this isn’t about me. Women spend way too much time defending our fashion choices instead of telling these picky for no good reason ass men that they make some questionable decisons when they get dressed in the morning. It’s time to let these fools know because I’ll be damned if I have to stop wearing something else because the fellas don’t like it without letting them know how I feel.

Timberlands

A man over 25 should never in his long legged life show up anywhere with me in Tims unless we’re building a house for Habitat for Humanity. Them shits ain’t even warm enough to be considered winter boots and most men I know try really hard not to get them wet (should’ve bought that waterproof stuff the dude at the Foot Locker tried to sell you). I understand that Timberlands are a part of the hip hop culture and what not but dammit, I don’t date those types so please miss me with that nonsense. Purchase a pair of sensible winter boots that keep your feet warm and don’t come near me looking like a got damn construction worker. Timberlands are fucking ugly. Fucking UGLY.

White Tees

I giveth not a fuck if your white tee is Polo, Dolce and Gabbana, or some other brand you think might change the fact that you’re wearing an undershirt. I don’t show up on dates in a bra and panties…ok, bad example…but you get my point. Keep your undershirt under your shirt. I don’t give a shit if it’s a v-neck or it has a little horse on it. Opt for a colored version or else I’m gonna think you forgot to finish getting dressed and I’m gonna refuse to go out in public with you.

Ashiness

Moisturize, my brothas. Even the most repulsive man will go all the way in on a woman with ashy feet, all the while, his elbows look he can use them to clean a barbecue grill. Let one more crusty lipped, foot, elbow, hand fool say one more word to me. Your penis has nothing to do with those critters on your feet you call toes so don’t say, “I’m a MAN” like that’s an excuse for not putting lotion on your body, from head to fucking toe. Y’all already don’t remove excess hair, taco meat be damned. Y’all could at the very least throw some lotion on that shit. Ashy ass muthafuckas.

Y’all mediocre ass men better get it together trying to dictate what I wear and look like when y’all come out the house looking like what the hell and whodunit. Women don’t like all the shit y’all raggedy asses do, we just spend less time critiquing you because we have better things to do than to sit around collectively deciding what we hate about what you wear. Until men look like they stepped off the pages of GQ, they should sit the fuck down somewhere, preferably in a pedicure chair and take care of those crusty ass toes before summer hits.

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. anthonygayle
    Mar 29, 2012 @ 14:00:27

    This is Funny. I guess I should go throw out my Ed Hardy t-shirts. I’m going to keep it all the way real with you. I can only speak for myself (and all straight men :o) ). We don’t give a damn what you’re wearing. As long as it doesn’t inconvenience us i.e. cost us money, we could care less. It makes me wonder what kind of dude(s) women are dealing with today: maybe a metrosexual or h.i.t. man (homosexual in training) would hate on a wedge. I’ve had girlfriends ask me if I noticed things like new dress or that they got their eyebrows did or whatever. Unless I’ve been made aware to look for something, or it’s a drastic change like you got a boob job, or you only wear black and now you’re wearing red, I’m probably not going to notice it. I’m not going to notice the slightly different arch in your eyebrow or the slightly different shade of lipstick color you’re trying out for the first time. I already think you have too many damn pairs of shoes to begin with so I try to avoid feeding that addiction by acknowledging them. Here’s a very simple rule: If your guy pays more attention to your clothes instead of what’s underneath them, you need to find yourself a new guy. I could be wrong though. I come from a generation where men weren’t feminized. I could just be out of touch with today’s “man” with his manty hose and lace-front mustaches. Anyway, I’ve rambled enough. I got to go home and throw out my fubu jerseys. :o)

    Reply

  2. Khai
    Mar 30, 2012 @ 14:14:24

    Amen…I’m glad you took some time out to point these things out. MEN…take a little, just a little care of your feet. Feet and nail fungus, overgrown thick black toenails, the callus on your feet…ummmmm o_O made your shoe size bigger. The ash on your feet and knee caps is very unattractive. We don’t want to see that. We see it and just don’t even want to say nothing smdh…If you don’t know or even care, just let your foot just fall the hell off, but one thing I know. I don’t want them shits rubbing on my skin….but ya’ll want to say what look and don’t look good on women…FYI lotion look good!

    Reply

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