None of My Business

When did it become okay for Black women to become sperm dumps? What single event set the wheels in motion for all six members of a Black woman’s immediate family to have a different last name? Who made it cool to become a mother before being able to vote and a mother of two before being able to drink? When did our collective self-worth become so low that it’s acceptable to be a mother before a wife, or at least a long term partner, and proudly proclaim our resistance to marriage, cuz that’s for white folks. Please spare me your exception to the rule, because while I love some of my teen mother/unmarried successful coparents to death, you are not the norm and you know it! No part of your experience mimics the teenage mother who fails to get a GED because it’s too difficult to study with two babies crying. I understand your relationship with your child’s father is still going strong while my marriage was over shortly after the baby was born. I get it, I really do. But at the end of the day, the success of a teenage mother diminishes with each new baby she creates with a different man who could give a damn about her or the life they’ve created.

Yesterday, a young woman came into the office to apply for energy assistance for her grandmother. She handed me seven social security cards, one was hers, her brother’s and her grandmother’s and the remaining four were her children. I usually try to mind my own business, but after entering three unique last names and finding out that she was only 24 years old, I almost cried. What on earth could have happened in her life that would cause her to believe that she was only worth being three different men’s sperm dumpsters? I asked whether she’d finished high school. She hadn’t. I asked whether the father’s took care of the children. They don’t. I asked was she done having babies. She told me they wouldn’t tie her tubes. I almost cried. Birth control or abstinence weren’t even an option to her. I refused to mind my business. Not this time. I think I made her cry. I didn’t give a shit. Someone needed to tell her she owed herself more than the title of Baby Mama. Someone needed to tell her that she would be nothing in life unless she changed her direction. Someone needed to tell her that her children deserved better than the losers she chose to be their fathers. Someone needed to tell her this, because she didn’t know. She had no clue that she didn’t have to prove her love to a man by carrying a child he didn’t want. She had no clue that the example she was setting for her children was a very poor one and that they are destined to repeat her mistakes if she never recognizes her life choices to be a detriment to her future. She had no clue that the path that her life was on would never lead to anything more than more children and more poverty. She had no clue what hope really was.

I’ll never know what it feels like to be one of these girls who lost their youth before it ever began. I’ll never know how it feels to be a perpetual baby mama who have no clue what aspirations are. I’ll never get it because this life comes from a mentality that I’ve never had. I’m not claiming my body is a temple – I have a Chicago Bears tattoo in my future plans. I’m not claiming to have made the best life decisions. I’m not claiming to be exactly where I want to be in life. But the one thing that I can claim is that I believe I am deserving of anything that my heart desires, and far too many young women yearn for something they have no clue how to achieve. They want to be loved. They want to be cherished. They want to be adored. That’s all their heart desires and they have no clue that they deserve it.


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. venushousepubs
    Dec 06, 2011 @ 15:29:07

    I like that you didn’t demean the girl or us girls rather. I’m 21 with a 1 toddler – I get it. It’s not the norm, it’s what I chose. But if someone told me when I was 16 that I’d have to learn how to love & respect myself again in the name of “love”, I may have thought 2x. It’s hard to say that even as she’s not my burden & causes no hardships.
    But your point is that we, as young (Black) mothers, ought to value ourselves & work towards something else besides a man’s false hopes & game.
    I agree. I can’t be offended, you weren’t offensive.
    I can be a mother & have dreams & accomplish ALL the things I ever wanted to.

    Thank you.


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