Dear Mr. White Man

Dear White Man,

A few weeks ago, I joined match.com to broaden my dating horizons (*Read: actually get out of the house and go on actual dates) and according to the emails I’ve received from other users, I’m attractive to not just black men, but Others as well. Men whose profiles indicate they are only interested in dating Caucasian, Asian, Hispanic/Latina, and Native American women wink at me (the facebook equivalent of a poke and the Brett Favre equivalent of a dick pic) and send me emails as though they don’t notice I don’t fit their ethnicity requirements. I don’t mind, really, because like I’ve said countless times before, I’m a what’s on the inside that counts provided the outside is attractive kinda girl. I’m a sucker for a pretty face, and I’m really not ashamed to say that I don’t care about the hue of said face. What I do care about are the silly questions, asinine statements, and ridiculous notions some of you Others seem to have about dating “sistas” (about that…don’t call me a sista…EVER). I’m in the habit of helping out the clueless, it’s the teacher in me, and since I still have some residual educator ways left, I’m here to assist, whether you want it or not.

You don’t need to reference my blackness or your whiteness all the time. Please feel free to NOT point out our differences in music, culture, hair, skin color, slang and dancing ability because rest assured, you’re probably going to offend me in the process. Yes, I wrap my hair at night and will be pissed if it gets wet in the rain. No, I’ve never seen Good Hair and I really don’t care about your opinions on weaves and relaxers. Please don’t jokingly use words like “axe” for “ask” and “finna” for “about to” because although you may be kidding, in reality, you’re insulting me. I speak proper English, just like you. My friends speak proper English, just like yours. When I do speak familiarly with someone, it’s because I’m familiar with said someone. You just met me. We’re not familiar yet. But guess what? I never say axe because I’m literate and I know what sounds letters make when they’re put together. See how riled up I’ve gotten? How about this? Pretend you’re “colorblind” and speak to me the same way you would speak to a non-Black woman. It will work out in your favor.

I blame Barack Obama and MTV Jams for you believing you have to prove to me how down for the cause you are. Barack Obama is the President of the United States so if you want kudos for letting me know you voted for him, you’re not getting them. At least 51% of Americans voted for him and because I’m too lazy to look up the actual percentage *insert racial stereotype here*, you’re just gonna have to believe me. As far as music is concerned, axing me if I’ve heard that new Jay-Z or making a bling or swag comment will cause me to go into obligatory black girl eye roll. Pop culture is just that, popular. It’s not just a black thang anymore and steering our conversations to the urban side of it is condescending as hell. I happen to like white people pop culture, as well as black people pop culture. I voted for Rahm Emmanuel. You don’t hear me bringing that up, do you? (Did you know that our mayor is Jewish?) I’m much more than my black skin and my experiences, hobbies, and interests include more than those things you saw on Black in America. I’m not impressed that you know who Lil Wayne and Beyonce are, as well.

The last thing I need you to understand is that I’m not the Official Authority on Black People Stuff. I don’t have the definitive answer to all things Negro. Don’t ask me why do all Black people do random things like put apostrophes in our kid’s names or buy big rims for our cars. Hell I don’t know! My name literally means “white wave” making it more white than Amy and Becky and my Camry has hubcaps that are pretty unshiny. I spent my first two years of college speaking on behalf of all black people and that was more than enough. I just don’t know what we think about Herman Cain, but the next time we have the Black Folks meeting, I’ll make sure I get our official position.

Interracial dating is difficult, especially for Black women with all of the negative stereotypes we have to overcome before we’re even recognized as not being the caricatures we’re portrayed as by the media. I’ve given Others a chance, hell I married one (and ended up with the most non-Asian stereotype of a mother-un-law one could ever hope to imagine). If you’re serious about dating me, or any other black woman, the first thing you need to understand is that you’re dating an individual so shed the imagery you got from that Tyler Perry show you caught a glimpse of before the Bulls game came on. Black women aren’t one size fits all. If we believed everything we got from TV and the movies, we’d never give you a chance in the first place…is it true that all white men have small, pink penises? See how that goes?

Sincerely (and I’m being so sincere),

Not your Soul Sista

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