Mama’s Baby, Daddy’s…Maybe?

I'm pretty frigging super...peep the S on my chest.

I’m pretty frigging super…peep the S on my chest.

For SW…XOXO

Recently, my girl sent me an article she read and asked for my opinion.  I was a bit taken aback because I’m not used to people asking me what I think about things; usually I let folks know what I think without them asking me anything.  Apparently, a woman – who I think is from Vermont which may or may not have anything to do with anything – gets a little pissy when people refer to fathers as “Superdads” when, in her opinion, they are just meeting her high standards of parenthood.  If you were too lazy to read the entire article, she’s not impressed by her husband carving pumpkins and taking out the trash.  This is what he’s supposed to do because no one pops her collar when she does things like wash dishes and stuff.  Since I was asked for my opinion, I’m going to give it: Someone is a bitter bitch who needs to appreciate her husband just a teensy bit more before a grateful skank like me finds out who this man is and snatches him right from under her snide ass nose. 

Every single morning, I wake up and get my daughter ready for school…alone.  When she gets home from school, I help Cinda with her homework…alone.  I get her dinner ready…alone.  I give her a bath…alone.  I read her a bedtime story…alone.  Am I Supermom?  Hell yeah. Would I be Supermom if I wasn’t a divorced mother with a not so helpful ex-husband?  Hell yeah.  Now here’s the $64,000 question: Would my ex-husband be Superdad if he were the one helping with homework and reading bedtime stories?  Hell yeah. You see, being a Superparent isn’t up to adults. Cinda thinks I’m a Supermom and she’s the only person I need to be super for. Some people get so wrapped up in their standards, they forget who being a parent is truly about. I remember days of driving my mother apeshit doing random bad ass kid shit and then being a perfect angel when my daddy came home from work. He would hug us and make us a bowl of Frosted Flakes and dun dunnanun!! Suuupeeerrdadddyy!!!!!!!!!! All he had to do was pour some sugar coated reconstituted corn flakes into a bowl and add milk. My mother never complained that she spent the entire day trying to discover a way to bash our heads in without leaving a trace of her parent brutality because we superglued pennies to our bedroom walls. Instead, her role as the stay-at-home mom meant that she never got praise for doing her job. It was the sacrifice she made when she became a mother. Today, as an adult, I realize how super she truly was. Does that take away from my father’s awesomeness for merely showing up? Not at all. He was pretty super, too.

Today’s family is nothing like those of the Good Times/Cosby Show eras. Instead of two parents one home, the norm is two parents two homes or in my case one parent one home. Dads wear capes while moms lament on Father’s Day about being the mother AND the father (impossible you faux hermaphrodites). Is it fair? Abso-fucking-lutely!!! I proudly pat myself on the back for being so awesome and laud parents, moms AND dads, who have sacrificed their livelihood to raise respectful, responsible children. Women who complain about men getting accolades for doing what they consider to be what fathers are supposed to do fail to realize that mothers ALWAYS receive praise for doing a good job…even when they feed their children McDonald’s four meals a week. Some ladies like to believe that simply raising a child alone makes them Supermom. Sorry bitches, it takes more than getting knocked up by a deadbeat for me to say you’re a rockstar parent. So what you’re saying is that I can’t cheer your baby daddy on for taking the kids trick or treating but I have to praise you for having random ass babies with a man who thinks he should be cheered on for taking his kids trick or treating? Anyone who is bothered by someone else being praised for the work that they do is a hater (I refuse to stop using hater…I like the way it works in so many situations…kinda like the word “fuck”). The trouble with discounting fathers for doing dad stuff is that it sends the message that what they do simply isn’t worthy of praise. I’m not saying fathers should get a medal and a call from the president for cooking breakfast, but by belittling their necessity in the home, in a healthy capacity, Little Mrs. My Husband Ain’t Super is disregarding her husband’s importance in her home and for her children. I’m pretty sure he’s looked at her a few times and said, “Wow, my wife is pretty dope/awesome/neato.” He’s probably pretty shocked to find out that she thinks he ain’t shit.

So to all my Superparents – Supermoms and Superdads – my hat’s off to you. I appreciate everything that you do to make your children happy. From remembering to pick them up from school on time to buying their school supplies, you are awesome. Cooking dinner, folding laundry, getting the dead mouse from behind the fridge, carrying in the Christmas tree, and teaching the kids to ride a bike. You are wonderful. Reading stories, throwing snowballs, tickle hugs, and pep talks. You are amazing. Being a parent is hard work. Being a mother is difficult…and yet, being a father is never enough to some. To me, you’re pretty damn super and if your wife/girlfriend/babymama doesn’t appreciate you…I do…(Call me boo…)

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22 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Veronica
    Nov 08, 2011 @ 04:47:02

    Clearly you lack comprehensive reading skills so I’ll take it easy on you. Nowhere does it say I don’t appreciate my husband. It says I don’t celebrate my husband for doing the ordinary publicly. My husband won’t be calling you because well he agrees. He knows what it’s like to have a subpar father as do in which is why it bothers both of us that the standard for fathers is so low.

    I’m glad I gave you something to blog about but next time try doing it in the proper context. Calling people you don’t know names is tacky and a man like mine wouldn’t look at you for a second. He said so : )

    Reply

  2. Madam Queen (@St_Syn)
    Nov 08, 2011 @ 08:03:49

    All of my friends who do a GREAT job of raising their children, I view as SuperParents. The Man and I refer to each other as Supermom and Superdad…mainly because we are corny. The other percentage is because it DOES take a lot of determination, love, patience, and other shat to raise a kid. Some days are easy as pie, other days I want to punch myself in the ovaries and then the face because I must be crazy to MAKE myself responsible for another human being. It IS the most rewarding experience I have ever had though and THAT makes it all worth it.

    My kid thinks the WORLD of her father and he tells me that she feels the same about me (even though she looks at me as The Wicked Witch of the SE most days).

    I do not think that title defines us as people, nor do I expect anyone to hand me a cookie for me doing my job. It is nice to know someone other than The Bug appreciates what I am doing, though. I will take it as a compliment every time I hear it 🙂

    Reply

  3. Katie
    Nov 08, 2011 @ 08:05:52

    ….. your “response” has nothing to do with her post and doesn’t make much sense… You called the WRONG girl a bitch, good luck with that….

    Reply

  4. Ashley
    Nov 08, 2011 @ 08:11:29

    Knowing Veronica and her blog content better than you, I can safely say she is no bitter bitch. She appreciates her husband plenty, and she is LIVING a daily life that supports him going after his dreams, which, incidentally, isn’t just about him but is also about providing for his family. What you said about fathers not needing a Presidential medal? That’s the entire point of her post – not that her husband isn’t doing anything worthwhile for his family…rather that in a two-parent household, both parents should be expected to parent. Veronica is a strong, smart woman – her husband didn’t get into marriage and parenting with her not knowing what she expects of him, and the same is true for what he expects of her. I don’t believe that she thinks poorly of him OR that he had issues with what she wrote.

    Your assessment of who she is and what their family is about is simply wrong, and smacks of that haterism you referred to.

    Reply

  5. Sunny (@SunnyMamaof3)
    Nov 08, 2011 @ 08:22:08

    You are wrong. 100% wrong.

    What you wrote and what the original post said aren’t even the same thing. She is talking about the different standards set by society for mothers versus fathers. That mother and fathers should be equals not held to different standards. Not that her standards are so high that her husband shouldn’t get credit for meeting them.

    If you read through that blog you see many posts about how wonderful, smart, fun and great her husband and father of her children is.

    I don’t think parents should expect pats on the back and exclamations of greatness because they are doing what they are SUPPOSED to be doing well. We are supposed to bust our asses for our kids. We should keep clean homes, and support our children in their endeavors. Love them, clothe them, put roofs over their heads and food in their stomachs. Some of us have to do this alone, while others have partners to help us along the way. Just how the cookies crumble.

    I don’t give more credit to single mothers who parents well than I do SAHMs. We are all in the same boat, trying our hardest to do what is best for our children. Get off your high horse.

    It’s like when I used to ask my dad why he didn’t make a big deal about the fact I was a good student in school. He’d say to me “It is your responsibility to do the best that you can. You are supposed to be a good student. You don’t get extra points for doing what you are supposed to do.” And you know what? He was right.

    Yes it is nice when someone pats us on the back and says “Dude you rock?!” but it isn’t necessary. Get over yourself. Being a single parent, being a parent in a dual working parent home, being any type of parent means being the best parent you can be. Period. Regardless of whether you are male or female.

    Have standards been set so low for parenting, for MEN as fathers, that we now have to SUPER at doing what is so damn ORDINARY?

    Reply

  6. Sunny (@SunnyMamaof3)
    Nov 08, 2011 @ 08:46:58

    To add- do you realize how appalling it is that you think it’s cute to threaten taking someone else’s husband? Nothing funny about aspiring to be a home wrecker. Shows you are a woman lacking class. I’d say that makes you out to be a bitter bitch.

    Reply

  7. Jenny Georgio-who
    Nov 08, 2011 @ 12:44:12

    HA HA HA HA HA HA HA. I think I laughed so hard that my boss thinks I’m crazy. From reading both your post and the original post by Veronica, it seems like YOU are the bitter bitch.

    Parents don’t need medals for doing ordinary parent things. No one gives me props for feeding my kid or staying home with her when she is sick, why should the husband? Oh because society seems to think that men are merely sperm donors and that after fucking us their job is done….NOT true.

    They signed up for just as much as we did. Yes, the father can stay home when the kid is sick and get up in the middle of the night to sooth a crying baby. The fact that you have a dead beat Baby Daddy is no one’s problem but your own. We shouldn’t applaud you for parenting your child, just like society shouldn’t applaud my husband for picking up the baby from daycare and starting dinner while I’m still at work. It’s called PARENTING and TEAM WORK.

    Keep reading Veronica’s blog, you just may learn a thing or two.

    Reply

  8. Amy Ayers
    Nov 08, 2011 @ 13:17:17

    Seriously? Why should a man be praised for taking on his share of having a family and home? This is not 1950 when only the husband went to work, and the mom stayed home all day. These days, many homes have two working parents, and for those of us that are SAHMs, we are rarely actually at home.

    I don’t expect or receive praise for taking on my share of household tasks or childcare. Neither should a husband. This does not mean I, or the author, or any other wife, does not appreciate their husbands. It merely states that we acknowledge when they go above and beyond, but we expect equal contribution to the home.

    My husband helps clean the house every week, and does the vacuuming. I cook the meals. We don’t split each task, but we each take our fair share. No one should be expected to do everything, while the other gets off with being considered “super” because he managed to get a cup into the dishwasher.

    I don’t think your readers are the ones too lazy to read the entire article. I think it was you, and that you hope they are as well, as then they might agree with you. The article clearly is contradictory to all of your accusations.

    PS. – High standards are not something to be ashamed of.

    Reply

  9. venushousepubs
    Nov 08, 2011 @ 14:42:38

    Awesome.

    Admittedly, I do not praise my daughter’s dad enough for being super. He often saves the day whether it be in the form of spending numerous hours watching our daughter while I go to work (night job) or keeping her entertained while I shower. When you get in a groove (same ‘ol, same ‘ol) you come to expect certain things and forget to say ‘thanks’ or ‘you’re great’. Truly, we BOTH need to be more, outwardly, or verbally, appreciative of each other. I give myself personal props for keeping my child on a (surprisingly) healthy diet (not weight loss, just what she eats, period) and making sure she has the things I think little girls want and need like, say, her own towels, barrettes, toys, etc. Simple but awesome.

    Great post!

    Reply

  10. Carl
    Nov 08, 2011 @ 15:32:55

    Wow you really know how to make friends 🙂 . Anyway I must say that you’re no bitter anything and I really love your articles keep it coming. It’s a shame that one would pick their support system to launch an attack.

    Cinda’s Mom Blog fan!

    Reply

  11. B Matt
    Nov 08, 2011 @ 16:02:31

    Am I the only one who knows how entertaining this was for you, JayKay ;-)?

    Reply

  12. B Matt
    Nov 08, 2011 @ 16:14:19

    But seriously, such passionate responses all around (on both blogs), but really, I think everybody missed everybody’s point. The two original bloggers actually agree more than they disagree. Blogs are based on opinion, not on fact, and everyone is entitled to their own.

    Reply

  13. Bianca
    Nov 08, 2011 @ 18:50:30

    After reading both articles in FULL, I agree that both ladies agree more than disagree. The original article was not nearly as harsh as I expected based upon your blog. You should feel great about getting so much attention from the blogger and her friends to the point that she amended her article.
    For all of her friends that tried to go so hard in their replies to you, I advise them to lighten up. You were expressing your opinion in your typical comedic style. You encouraged parents to do their job and make sure that the only validation that they need to seek is from their children. I see no problem with that. And no, I do not see you as a potential homewrecker.

    Reply

  14. Carmen Sandiego
    Nov 09, 2011 @ 18:34:04

    There is a self righteous, bitter bitch convention going on in these replies. It’s so easy to thug behind your IP address. I didn’t bother to read Veronica’a blog because since she amended it I didn’t feel I’d get the full effect. Why you mad, tho? Is the internet the only outlet for releasing your frustrations? Y’all all need a good dicking down so you can go somewhere and calm your nerves. Sex relieves frustration, and you Vermont housewives clearly have plenty. Vermont?! What a joke of a state.

    Reply

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