Hate is Such a Strong Word

I pissed my mother-un-law off something terrible last night. I forced her to admit how she truly feels about me and without dwelling on her reasons…because she let out a shitload of them…I realized she’s an angry, bitter little woman. I was (and still am) able to accept my true feelings about her (I despise her) and I think she hates me a little bit more for telling her that I feel exactly the same way about her that she feels about me. She called me evil, nasty, mean and for the first time in over seven years, it didn’t bother me at all. She has spent so many years blaming me for her son’s problems that she is literally rotting on the inside and once again, I feel sorry for her.

I can honestly say I’ve never been hated before. Ok, so there’s this one chick that might hate me just a little, but eh… I’ve gotten through life saying whatever I want to say, whenever I want to say it and then learning to scale back my crazy. Expressing myself freely-in some aspects of my life- keeps me generally happy. I know exactly who I’m not too fond of and I’m okay with not liking every person I encounter. Some people believe that being cordial to your least favorite individuals is phony. No, it’s called maturity. Pretending you don’t dislike these people is phony…wait, no. It’s IMMATURE!! Not only is it immature, it’s actually pretty harmful to your soul, almost as detrimental as wasting energy on the active hatred of someone.

It can go one of three ways:

1. I can lie to myself and pretend that I like you. I can go through life saying foolish crap like “he’s not that bad” or “she’s ok” when people ask about you while deep inside, I repress feelings of hatred. Or worse, I actively tell my friends and family how great you are when I know you’re not that great. Seems like a productive use of my time…

OR….

2. I actively hate you by attempting to make your life miserable. I can engage in ridiculous arguments with you about old shit. I can send you evil ass text messages about how much of a bitch you are. I can do really immature shit to let you know how much I hate you like call you names when we’re forced to communicate. The list of active hateful behaviors go on and on…yeah, sounds like a big waste of time to me.

OR….

3. Since we’re eternally bound by some random ass bond, I can accept the fact that I hate you AND GET OVER IT. I will never like you, I don’t want to repair our relationship. I don’t want to rehash what single event could have possibly led to the demise of our relationship. I want to dislike you and talk about you like a dog behind your back to my real friends. I hate you and am ok with hating you, but since hating you takes up valuable time I could spend tweeting or blogging about foolishness, I forget you exist until I’m forced to interact with you. During said interaction, I’d rather focus on people in the room that I actually like so I choose not to make my disdain for you the highlight of my day. As cliché as it may sound, I refuse to give power to people that don’t deserve it, so while you may be expecting me to roll my eyes and treat you like crap to your face, I prefer to be nice then talk about you like a dog behind your back to my real friends like grown ups do.

The list of people that have made it to number three is really short…my mother-un-law…yeah, just her. I try to engage with her as little as possible, yet she’s still stuck at a combination of 1 and 2 when it comes to dealing with me. I’m waiting on her to get like me and after tonight’s conversation, perhaps she’s finally on my level. I doubt it, but one could always dream.

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. venushousepubs
    Oct 07, 2011 @ 10:26:40

    Number 1 makes me want to throw up in my mouth while number 2 DOES seem immature…I believe I am a number 3 person, sans the talk about you like a dog because I’m trying NOT even think about you BUT if you name should come up…fair game.

    Reply

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