I QUIT! You’re On Your Own

*NOTE* The click here link is http://www.markay.com/courtneyd

Recently, I had one too many drinks and told a friend of a friend that I would find a suitable mate for him. Little did I know, giving birth to a 9 lb 6 oz Sumo monster baby was a less arduous task than what I promised while blinded by the thrill of Mayweather knocking the shit out of ol’ boy and cocktails courtesy of the fine gentlemen of Atlanta. Unreasonable requests and unwarranted pickiness have forced me to throw in my matchmaking towel. I’m through with helping the delusional find love. They’re not good listeners and I left teaching so I wouldn’t have to deal with individuals who won’t listen. Instead, I offer a few words of advice to the clueless.

Ladies: I agree 100% that at the end of the day, looks shouldn’t be a priority. The most attractive people aren’t always intelligent (Tyrese), they might be crazy (Halle Berry), or just a horrible, terrible person (Kobe Bryant). Physical beauty is so subjective and one man’s Tyra Banks is another man’s Mo’Nique…I think I’m the shit, but not every man goes for my type. As a matter of fact, some men don’t even have a type. Their only requirement is that you don’t look like you just rolled out of bed ALL THE DAMN TIME!!! Is it really that difficult to show up for a date with some makeup, a cute outfit and the façade of a freshly coiffed head? I’m not even saying look like you’re headed to the Oscars, just look like you give half a damn. You may believe that it’s what’s on the inside that counts, and you’re right but look at it this way, who wants to sample a cake that’s slightly overcooked with no icing?

Some women have spent so much time being plain, they don’t even realize their quest for a husband is being hindered by the fact that they look as though they don’t want a husband. Men are shallow, but only to a certain point. They want someone another man wants too. He may learn to love all of those fabulous things about you, but if you’re not turning any heads, it really doesn’t matter how great you are. This has nothing to do with your attractiveness, nor judging a book by its cover. This is all about packaging and presentation. Some women don’t believe they need to do anything with their appearance and want men to look deep into their souls….MEN AREN’T THAT DEEP!!!! So wax the mustache, do something with your damn hair, buy at least one figure flattering going out ensemble, put on some makeup, at the very least mascara and lip gloss (If you need cosmetics help, click here. My girl Courtney is happy to help) and head out. You can go back to being your frumpy, funny-looking self tomorrow, but enjoy at least one day not looking like a school marm.

Fellas:

Fellas, fellas, fellas, fellas…..

Now that I’ve berated the ladies, it’s your turn. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: HAVING A JOB AND NO KIDS DOES NOT MAKE YOU A HOT COMMODITY! Women aren’t impressed by your almost six-figure income, because guess what? THEY ARE PULLING SIX FIGURES!!! No one gives a damn that you don’t have any kids. Do you want a fucking cookie?!?! I’m not gonna repeat the same thing over and over again so for more information read this. There is nothing I can’t stand more is a man who thinks he deserves to date model chicks simply because he has the desire to date them. Perhaps you believe you can have any woman you want, but men are the most unrealistic creatures on the face of this earth. I’m not saying settle for a woman you’re not attracted to but shit, something’s gotta give!!!! Men blame their rejection on women’s standards being too high instead of looking in the mirror and saying, “If I were a model chick, would I wanna date me?” Or they ask their single male friends their opinion without understanding that their “boys” aren’t gonna tell them the truth. Of course you’re not annoying to your boy who never seems to have a shortage of women at his behest. As a matter of fact, you’re doing just fine to him because the dumber you look, the better he looks.

You may say you’re not looking for anything long term, but you know that you’re terrified of growing old alone. All of you men who seem to have a problem with commitment keep reading all of these articles about the Desperate Black Woman and figure you can have any woman you want, so why settle for just one? What you fail to understand is that, pretty soon, you’ll have a reputation for being a whore and women will wonder why you’re 40 and have never been married. She won’t think you were waiting for her. She will think something is wrong with you and she’s right. Something is wrong with you. It’s called “I was too busy being full of myself when I was younger to engage in a meaningful relationship with one woman.” And don’t think you’re gonna get a young girl…she’s gonna get tired of having to run to Walgreens to pick up your Cialis. Stop being such a douche and exploiting the fact that women believe they can’t do any better than sharing you with other women because frankly, you’re making men look really fucking stupid (yourself included).

I am officially done. I’m done worrying about you broads not having a man because you won’t dress the part. I’m done worrying about dudes being too stupid to recognize a good thing standing right in front of them because they’re expecting Beyonce to drop from the sky into their laps. I’m done with matchmaking, hookups, talking you up, mentioning you. DONE!!!! I have a kid to raise.

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3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. venushousepubs
    Oct 05, 2011 @ 21:35:40

    Bravo! You keep it real. While the truth is hard to hear (especially when you’re living the opposite way) it’s nonetheless the truth. Which will set you free, right? I’m retweeting this. I hope the men on my timeline read it and the women also. Hell, I needed to read it.

    Reply

  2. Qiana Lawery
    Oct 06, 2011 @ 11:02:16

    *Golf claps* Well said. The farther into the 30s I get, the more I give guys nearing (or at 40) the side eye for still being single, lol. And yeah, about that makeup thing? I’m trying…lol…but I could probably use some help. PS – the link to Courtney’s page isn’t working? 🙂

    Reply

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