I Might Be Selfish But…

After bathing, shampooing, combing, reading, tucking in and cuddling Cinda the night before the first day of school, I checked my cell phone and saw that I had missed a call. It was from my un-laws. Begrudgingly, I listened to the voicemail.

“Hi, this is Bob. I know Jacinda’s first day of school is tomorrow and Luann wants to meet her when she walks out the door at the end of the day with flowers. She…”

I never return their calls immediately; I wait a few days because A) They don’t be wanting shit and B) I don’t like them. This time, I called Bob and simply told him “No,” giving no explanation other than because I said no. We he talked for a little while longer, then we he ended our his conversation babbling leaving me with the sinking suspicion that I was being unreasonable.

But then, I thought about it: I had every right to not want to share a monumental day in my daughter’s academic career. I bought her uniforms. I bought her school supplies. I packed her lunch. I read her a bedtime story. I moved over when she got into my bed last night. I take care of all of the mundane, day to day parent stuff, so I deserve to be a little selfish with my baby on my day. Yes, my day. My blood, sweat, and tears are all over this day. These tiny victories are mine and mine alone and I’m just not willing to share them with someone who wants to be seen and not felt, someone who needs to insert themselves into pivotal situations. Sorry, lady, save your flowers for another day, because today is mine and I’m not sharing it with you or anyone else. You won’t be helping her choose her prom dress, show up to see her off. You can come to her high school graduation, but dropping her off at college is my thing. Her wedding day will involve me making sure her make-up doesn’t run; your job is to be a guest. I deserve to be a little selfish – I’m the only person in this world who is Cinda’s Mommy.

Cinda's First Day

Cinda’s First Day

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3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. venushousepubs
    Sep 06, 2011 @ 11:01:05

    This post is sweet. It’s true. As a single mom you do alot alone & other ppl just show up to bask in your creation. I feel it’s our right as parents period to say how & when folks can be involved in our kid’s life.

    Reply

  2. Sejal Monterroso
    Sep 06, 2011 @ 11:59:59

    I feel the same way sometimes when it comes to the boys’ dad. He gets to have them for the summer to go on camping trips, hang out at the beach, wake up late everyday, eat junk food, and have fun all the time. I get all the hard parts! But you know, at the end of the summer, they are always still ready to come home…and that is a testament to our kids knowing what really matters and who really cares, no matter how many treats and sweetness

    Reply

  3. Ms. Kittles (@St_Syn)
    Sep 06, 2011 @ 12:54:23

    I TOTALLY feel where you are coming from. I am “battling” with a similar situation. My parents secluded me and my siblings from our grandparents because they had the same frame of mind. I see myself going down the same road and I decided, I don’t want to make the same mistake they did. I barely know my grandparents now and there is a part of me that wants to…I just feel so disconnected from them. Both sets of The Bug’s grandparents are being TOTAL dickfaces, at the moment. It is SO hard to not have her in the middle of it because her father and I are responsible for her. I just don’t think about it…until I have to LOL

    Maybe that is wrong on my behalf but until I come up with a better solution, it is what it is….

    Reply

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