Fantasy Chicks 2011

Football season is nigh. Girlfriends will be dragged to football parties, wives will be forced to slave in the kitchen heating up trays of hot wings, and side chicks will be ignored completely every Sunday and Monday and some Thursdays and Saturdays until February. (Getcho Tuesday on, Boo!) In order to survive the long, cold months from kick-off to Super Bowl, some women have taken to actually learning about football, realizing they enjoy the game, and even joining fantasy leagues. The fantasy game is serious business and a few men I know won’t play with women because they want serious competition, not a team drafted on the merits of the players’ nice bodies – which are pretty fucking nice. Since I’m THAT Fantasy Chick, I’ve decided to give the ladies a few pointers to make sure they NEVER place last in their league – maybe even win the whole thing.

1. Fuck for tips Oh the places you will go. I was dating a guy and I refused to give him any until I got my lineup straight every week. I am an advocate for withholding sex for the right reasons and saying, “Baby, we’re not going to bed until my starters are set” every Saturday night is perfectly ok. “I’m not tired yet” and tapping on the computer screen is equally acceptable.

2. Don’t play in the same league as your SO He is not your man during football season. He is your mortal enemy. He will sabotage you. He will taunt you. He will make you look like an idiot. He will not give half a shit about your feelings. You will hate him. Y’all will break up.

3. Play in two leagues Play with friends in one league and strangers in the other. You can study what owners are doing in one league and trade, bench and start accordingly in the other. Also, you can seek advice without being a lecherous owner. (I hate when people from my league ask me shit.)

4. Play for money You’re more likely to play more effectively with cold hard cash on the line. Nobody likes to lose. Everybody hates to lose money.

5. Research Read articles, bookmark sports pages, follow sports blogs, watch Sportscenter. Actually knowing what the fuck you’re doing goes a long, long way.

6. DON’T GIVE UP!!! I hate the Packers, but those douchebags were 10-6 in the regular season last year and won the Superbowl. You may have lost 4 in a row, but that doesn’t mean you’re out. It’s Any Given Sunday, baby!

Hopefully that was helpful to all of you new Fantasy Chicks out there. May your season be long, prosperous, and filled with Ws.

THAT Fantasy Chick

That is all.


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. B Matt
    Sep 05, 2011 @ 11:55:06

    Yeeeeahhhhhhh, my team is set! Playing for money, and will be studying like I’m sitting for the bar exam! I already love football so I’m halfway there, but taking my game to the next level. And you’re right about the Packers… hate them too, but I quickly made them my defensive line! Will keep you posted on my progress!


  2. TifMichele (@TifMichele)
    Sep 05, 2011 @ 12:18:57

    This is my second time playing. This draft was a rough start but I’m all in. Funny thing is my hubby is not really into football. Basketball is his thing. These are great tips!


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