99 Problems – Part 3

Ready for some more? Here goes problems 42-60:

42. If I buy a dress to fit my top, it’s way too small for my bottom *shameless self promotion*

43. People ask me stupid questions about my daughter.

44. My bestie acts like he’s the boss of me…except he doesn’t think he does.

45. I’ve got bunions.

46. Sometimes I really want a cigarette.

47. I’m really hairy. Yeti.

48. I need my brakes done.

49. I take Bears losses personally and they don’t seem to care.

50. I’ve been so strong for so long, I’ve never needed anyone. But my strength is wearing out my heart. (Courtesy of Nikka Costa)

51. I look younger than 32…which means I get hit on by freaky little boys AND dirty old men.

52. While writing #51 at the stoplight, a car full of men smoking weed pulled up next to me. I think I might be high.

53. My conscious isn’t what keeps me from hiring someone to whack my ex-husband. Lack of money is the only thing holding me back.

54. I lose my iPod more than a first grader loses front teeth…which is a lot.

55. I curse a lot.

56. My haircut was due to my own stupidity, not because I’m cool or anything.

57. I’m terrified of not being a teacher.

58 My daughter is way cooler than me.

59. I can’t afford my lifestyle.

60. I don’t have health insurance.

Stay tuned for 61-80. I promise I’ll number them correctly this time.

That is all.

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