Emotional BJ

Him: Hi. How are you?
Me: I’m good. How are you?
Him: I’m good. How was the weekend?
Me: Good. I went to a wedding yesterday.
Him: Did you feel the love?
Me: I felt the wine.
Him: I didn’t get that call.
Me: What call?
Him: I’m tipsy and I want to see you.
Me: No you don’t
Him: No that’s the call I expected
Me: Oh. Well you’re right. You didn’t
Him: *crickets*

Who on earth sets themselves up for this? If you’re expecting a certain answer, it would behoove you to make sure the desired response would EVER happen. I’ve never been accused of being the nicest person in the world, so if you’re waiting on me to coddle you with solicited compliments, you’re gonna be waiting for a long ass time. I’m not in the habit of lying to make someone feel good so before you ask me if I was thinking about you, first ask yourself, “Will my feelings be hurt when this bitch tells me no?” Don’t get me wrong, there are times when the answer will be yes, but chances are if you have to ask, the answer is no.

Some men pretend to act like their self-esteem isn’t rooted in their fragile egos, yet their egos continue to make them do stupid shit like ask questions they only want to hear one answer to. These men would prefer an emotional blow job to a real one and frankly, I’m just not that good at them. These are the same fellas that want you to call them Big Daddy, tries to put a name tag on your cooter during sex, and always talks about things real men do. If you’re looking to get sucked off, I’m not the one to give you a big head. I could tolerate giving emotional hand jobs…of course you’re the best I’ve ever had…but when I have to blatantly lie at your request, that’s where the line gets drawn. You’d be better off removing a few ribs and doing it yourself because giving emotional blow jobs is something I won’t do.

That is all.


3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. katsumi
    Aug 15, 2011 @ 23:56:31

    Fuckin’ awesome and sourly poetic.


  2. madamesiamese
    Aug 15, 2011 @ 23:56:42

    What about emotional BJs when you are married??


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