I ain’t got no job. I am unemployed and about to embark upon a new career completely different than the educator I set out to be 13 years ago. That part of my life has run it’s course and now I get to start over. My income has decreased drastically, but unfortunately, my affinity for shit I can barely afford hasn’t. I’ve often been accused of having foie gras taste with a French toast budget…which will pretty soon be a french fry budget. I decided to put myself on a strict spending plan. No more extravagant shopping sprees in Target. No more rounds on me. No more courtside seats. Then I thought a little harder…I’m way too smart to have to limit my lifestyle just because my funds are limited. Nope! I devised an even better plan I like to call B.O.B or Ballin’ on a Budget. It’s infallible.

Do stuff for people My hair dresser never has time to do anything! Pretty soon, I won’t be able to afford to get my hair done weekly…I am not opposed to pimping myself out for a hairdo and running ALL of her errands. Not opposed AT ALL. People who need things always have their hand out, but are quick to say no when a favor is asked of them. Needy mofos need to be willing and able and being unavailable is a surefire way to have NO ONE help you out when you’re in need (shut the fuck up, getting my hair done IS a necessity!) What helps is being good at shit and I am really good at lots of different shit and in order to maintain my ballin’ ass lifestyle, looks like I’m gonna have to put my talents to good use.

Groupon/Living Social/Old fashioned paper coupons Last week, my friends and I sat on the beach, had lunch and drinks, and jet skied. Ballin’ ass shit, right?! Cost: $55/person. My day was even cheaper since I was able to convince 3 of my friends to also purchase the Living Social Deal. Recently, a friend on twitter tweeted that a chick he knew would be upset if her date paid for dinner with a Groupon. Stay away from her. She’s a future broke bitch. I took Cinda to the movies for $9. Total. Shout out once again to Living Social. Pretty soon, I’m gonna come up with a way to get everything I need and want using some sort of discount. If all I have to do is take online surveys to get points for free gift cards, then dammit I strongly agree. I will continue to ball outta control…especially if there’s a Groupon.

Make friends in high places I had a bowling party for my birthday…about 15 people bowled for 3 hours on two lanes. My cost? $112.50 Actual cost? $297 Guess who got chummy with the guys at the counter? Me!!! They thought I was super and when it came time to pay, they kept hitting the discount button until they hit rock bottom. Being nice to people who work at places where you spend your money pays off. They tell you when stuff goes on sale, give you discounts when you “forgot” your coupon at home, and let you know when they get a new shipment. Some of the good ones even hide the last one in your size until the sale begins. Throwing your money around and acting like you’re the shit won’t win you any fans in the retail world. Please, thank you and compliments work wonders. Remembering names is a plus, as well. My upsized caramel macchiato with free soy at Starbucks is a perk for being the bomb to my barista. Sure, the customer is always right, but it pays to not be a dick about it.

I don’t believe in making lack of money my limitation. Sure, I won’t be able to jet off to Miami on a whim or brunch whenever I fancy, but I won’t be sitting at home crying about not being able to do anything either. I may have to keep my car parked and take public transportation, but my legs are gonna look like a track stars. Not having a lot of money doesn’t mean I have to be poor. It just means I have to spend the money that I do have wisely.

That is all.


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Serena Love Bonita
    Jul 28, 2011 @ 12:19:16



  2. venushousepubs
    Oct 07, 2011 @ 10:34:16

    I love this! Mainly, because I do sit at home whining about my lack of dough. Where there’s a will, there’s a way.


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