Happy Belated Father’s Day

Fathers get a bad rap…damned if you do, thrown under the bus and left for dead if you don’t. Every year on Father’s Day, bitter bitches lament over their poor choices in sperm donors and wish death to their deadbeat baby daddies, REAL MEN complain about all they do and the lack of recognition they receive, and the rest of us pay amish (sorry, couldn’t help it) to fathers…our fathers, grandfathers, uncles, friends, brothers, significant others, and the like; the men in our lives who are parents. We harness our disdain for crappy fathers and save the negativity for a stormy day in October, allowing dads to bask in their grilling glory without raining on their parades. Being a father in a baby daddy world is tough and all the fathers I know deserve more than the shitstorm they get every third Sunday in June.

My father wasn’t isn’t perfect. His relationship with my mother was the pits, but as a father, he did exactly what he was supposed to do: make me feel loved, cherished, protected and safe. I never felt as though I needed anyone else in this life to be my daddy, because I had a great one. My parents had the decency to keep their feelings toward each other to themselves and refrained from disparaging each other to us. When they divorced, they remained friends as well as equal and active participants in our lives making my experience not as a child of divorced parents, but as a child fortunate enough to have two loving co-parents. My father didn’t cook, he didn’t show up on time to ANYTHING, and let’s just say he didn’t let being a dad didn’t keep him from dating like a childless bachelor. He didn’t give my mother child support and he didn’t adhere to a court appointed visitation schedule, because he didn’t need to. He did his job without a judge telling him when and how to do it; my brothers and I never wanted for anything. I lived with my mommy and the boys stayed with our daddy. Does he measure up to the modern standards of a REAL MAN? Hell, I don’t know, but he was pretty damn superb as my father.

I could choose to go the bitter baby mama route since my own father didn’t turn me into a man hating, attention seeking troll. I mean as far as baby daddies go, my ex-husband sucks major assage. He’s unreliable, unreliable, and unreliable. Badmouthing him to my daughter is pretty simple; I wouldn’t even have to think that hard to let the ugliness roll out. But if I choose that route, what’s to stop her from questioning my ability to choose a suitable father for her? She’d be well within her rights to call me an idiot for making such a poor decision when I married her father. Whatever I say about him is a reflection of me and while I refuse to paint him as a noble creature, I also refuse to make him out to be a monster because no matter what I say, I not only chose to marry him, I also chose to bring a child into this world with him. Too many times, women complain about the man/men they’ve procreated with without ever stopping to think about their own role in choosing the parent they gave their child. You knew he was a hoe, abuser, thief, asshole before you became his sperm dump. Hell, I had no clue how screwed my ex was and I still don’t place 100% of the blame on him…he only gets 87.4%.

The men in my life are awesome fathers. I don’t know how they are as providers or mates, but I’ve seen them with their kids and those little boogers seem to be pretty happy with the dads their moms chose. Even my own daughter adores her father…as I typed that, I threw up a little… Our jobs as parents aren’t to tell our kids how effed up the other parent is, because honestly, we’re all a little fucked. I always laugh when my friends tell me how the mother of their kids is driving them nuts, most of the time, I kinda agree with Baby Mama. My friends do a fantastic job of fooling their children into thinking they’re good fathers, and as long as the kids are convinced, there’s nothing anyone can or should say or do to prove otherwise. Am I biased because they’re my friends? Probably so, but we all know how close my opinions are to truth. They don’t look for accolades or insist upon being recognized for their superior fathering. They’re good dads because they just are.

One day, this woman went on a rampage about her ex-husband receiving a $15,000 bonus and not giving her her “cut” for child support. She asked us if she should call her attorney or not her ex take the kids on the two week vacation to Europe he had planned. I finally had to cut the bitch off and explain to her that he most likely used the money to finance the extravagant holiday in Rome. She had the audacity to say “Well that’s not what I wanted to spend my money on!” Someone else told her to shut up, obviously sensing the verbal ass whooping I was about to inflict upon her. For every father out there whose name is being dragged through the mud, there are a dozen more silently being the best fathers they could possibly be, seeking nothing more than the big piece of chicken.

That is all.

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