People have no clue how to mind their own business.  Everyone has an opinion on how everyone else should do absolutely everything, especially things that have absolutely nothing to do with them.  Unsolicited advice has been offered on every aspect of my life, from how to raise my child to where to take my car for repairs.  Most people are well-intentioned and believe that what they’re sharing is wisdom based on experience.  Others have taken their opinions to fanatic proportions and actually believe it’s okay to force them down the throats of everyone they come into contact with.  I, too, have an opinion about things…as a matter of fact, I have lots and lots of opinions on lots and lots of things…and I readily share them.  Do I want you to agree?  Sure, why not?  Do I care if you don’t?  Nah, not really, but today, you’re about to get my definitive position on three things people really need to mind their own business about.

Abortion: I’m not pro-life.  I’m not pro-choice.  I’m pro-if it’s not your DNA then mind your own fucking business.  Pro-lifers amuse me.  I have yet to hear the story of a group of them holding a rally at abortion clinics and offering to adopt the babies of women who are considering terminating their pregnancies.  What really astounds me are men who are pro-life…seriously?  Until you can personally experience the agonizing torture of peeing on yourself every time you laugh, cough or sneeze due to a parasitic growth invading your uterus, you really need to be pro-shut the fuck up.  There are about fi’thy-‘leven arguments I could logically both present and defend about abortion, but today, I choose just one: If it ain’t your uterus, then it ain’t your business.

Homosexuality:  I am not a gay.  If I were a gay, I would probably be single, just as I am as a straight.  People who care about where other men put their penises and other women put their mouths are the most idiotic people on the face of this planet…more idiotic than ten Michelle Bachmanns and 15 Sarah Palins.  We don’t want the gays to get married because…yeah, still waiting on a reason that has nothing to do with someone’s religious beliefs.  Do people still use the Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve argument? Other people continue to *pause* perceived homosexual statements and acts because they’re homophobic idiots.  Wait, calling it homophobia gives people a psychological excuse to be idiots.  I’ll try that again.  People continue to *pause* perceived homosexual statements and acts because they’re idiots.  Here’s my opinion on homosexuality:  Why do you care who someone else loves…unless what really concerns you is that no one will ever love you?  Mind your fucking business!!

Hair:  How many times do  I have to state my position on hair?  This one will be quick.  No one gives a shit if you’re team natural, team weave, team perm or team fade.  Find something else to talk about because this whole hair conversation got old five years ago. I’ve devised a simple test to determine if you should have an opinion on hair. Here goes: Question #1. Consider the hair in question.  Does said hair grow from your scalp?  If the answer to is no, then MIND YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS!!!

In the words of that little boy I have a super crush on:  I’m done.


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