If it Won’t Get Me Into Heaven, I Can’t Do it in 2011

Instead of Resolutions, for New Years, I decided to come up with some rules for myself. For me, it’s so much easier to just not do dumb shit than to try to do the right thing. A very good friend was going to turn her phone off on NYE, then remembered I was going out so decided to keep it on, lest I called her with some craziness in which I managed to get myself involved. This got me to thinking: I can either resolve to be a better person or resolve to not do dumb shit. I chose the latter…here are my Rules for 2011:

1. No Doubling Back I hate meeting new guys so I tend to reinvolve myself with the old ones hoping and praying they’ve gotten themselves some Ack/Right during our time apart. They never do. I just ignore this until I’ve wasted 3 1/2 doing the back and forth with some loser whom I eventually find out has ACTUALLY been married for 4 years. Side chick is ok, Mistress is NOT. But like an idiot, I doubled back, believing him when he said a) she was just his baby mama and b) they weren’t together anymore. To his credit, he gave awesome gifts and provided me with the BEST drunken anecdote in the history of drunken anecdotes.

2. Stop buying dumb shit Boy, do I like to buy shit. To me, extra money is to be spent, not saved. So instead of fooling myself and saying I’m gonna put a little money under my mattress every time I get paid, I’m gonna take baby steps and not buy whatever dumb shit I want. Jacinda gets nothing, as well. Sorry hot red patent leather pumps, you can’t come home with me and join the other seven pairs in my closet. Yes, I know you’re on super sale cute little jeans that make my booty look fabulous, but I can’t even wear you to work so in the store you stay. Build-A-Bear? It’s been nice knowing ya! NO MORE DUMB SHIT!!! (By the way, vacations are NOT dumb shit and neither are my weekly hair appointments. Those are necessities).

3. Don’t lose the list! Wanna know why I buy half the dumb shit I buy? Because I walk my ass into Target twice a week without a list. I forget everything because my short-term memory is shot to hell. I’m a disorganized mess. So instead of the grandiose resolution of “Being more organized”, my rule is to write shit down and NOT lose the list. Life is so much easier when I have everything I need to do, say, buy and think written on a scrap of paper. Even if I lose the paper (which will definitely happen a lot more than once or twice), knowing that I’ve jotted it down somewhere gets me halfway through the battle. I’ll worry about winning the war against disorganization later.

That was easier than I thought…now to put my plan into action. Damn…no black sequined Uggs for me.

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