Half a Bar

My friend’s friends don’t like me. Here’s why:

“the funny thing is is that I did actually like @cindasmommy at one point. but then she started doing thee most and acting like her shit didn’t stink and I chose to weed her out of my life. just choose not to entertain catty shit. just wanted to put that out there.#haveaniceday.”

I’d like to address the allegations made in this tweet because I’ve been wrongly accused of a) doing thee most and b) acting as though my shit didn’t stink. Numero uno: I do most of my blogging whilst sitting on the crapper (the only place I can get some privacy) and I am well aware of how terribly my shit stinks. As a matter of fact, I am currently in the bathroom pissed off because I left my can of dragonfruit Febreze in my bedroom and I need to hurry the hell up! Secondly, who the hell wants to walk around doing thee least? Mediocrity may be okay in your world, but it’s not in mine. I used to be ok with just being ok, but now, I wanna be the baddest bitch in the room. As a matter of fact, I wanna be surrounded by the baddest bitches in the room, so my friends also need to be doing thee most, as well. Keep your inferior ass over there, I don’t want your insignificance rubbing off on me.

Now that I’ve gotten that off my chest, let’s dig deeper into the woman on woman crimes regularly committed by the fairer sex. I’ve gotten used to women disliking me, and I wish I could say I don’t mind, but it’s getting a little old. My personality rubs a lot of women the wrong way: I’m crass, brash, rude, arrogant, and a bit of a bitch. Underneath all of that, I’m a softie. I’m the friend you call when you need a laugh after you and your boyfriend break up, the one who makes sure you look fabulous when we’re going out, and the one to make sure a group who’s never met before has a good time at a gathering. I have my flaws, but so does everyone else. My friends are all kinds of jacked up and I love every single last one of them, flaws and all. I’ve never claimed to tolerate them. You tolerate the stench of your own poop when you leave the Febreze in the other room; you accept and love your friends for who they are, imperfections and all.

I’ve tried really hard to actively dislike people. The person who tweeted the above nonsense and I haven’t talked or seen each other in two years, before that another year. I couldn’t even tell you what I actually did to her, but I sure as hell didn’t do anything that deserves to be actively disliked years later. Participating in not liking someone takes a lot of energy, none I care to waste on someone I don’t like. Those 99 problems I got do not include your bitch ass. Getting bent out of shape about disliking someone is utterly ridiculous, especially when your biggest beef with them is their inability to recognize how offensive their shit is. Maybe they have olfactory issues, maybe you do. Get over it and find a hobby that allows you to showcase your keen sense of smell.

I’ve already given this too much attention, so instead of my usual closing remarks, I’m just gonna chuck the deuces…and in the immortal words of Jigga:

“You only get half a bar: Fuck y’all niggas!”

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3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Sunshine
    Nov 24, 2010 @ 09:13:28

    That’s some crazy sh*t!

    Reply

  2. negritabonita
    Nov 29, 2010 @ 09:41:08

    you don’t need to respond to foolishness JK!

    Reply

  3. kisha
    Dec 03, 2010 @ 11:58:32

    I love this:

    “Mediocrity may be okay in your world, but it’s not in mine. I used to be ok with just being ok, but now, I wanna be the baddest bitch in the room. As a matter of fact, I wanna be surrounded by the baddest bitches in the room, so my friends also need to be doing thee most, as well. Keep your inferior ass over there, I don’t want your insignificance rubbing off on me.”

    Reply

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