What Them THIS Girl Likes

I’ve been single for almost 5 years. I’ve dated a whole bunch of guys since my ex-husband made his exit in 2006 and during this time, I’ve become aware of what I do and don’t like….mostly what I don’t like. I’ve decided to come up with a comprehensive list of my turn ons, kinda like the Jet Beauty of the Week, only better. I’ve also been tweeting a myriad of reasons why I need a boyfriend (maybe I’m trying to tell myself something). If you’ve decided that I’m someone you’d like to date: keep reading. If I’m not someone you’d like to date, keep reading anyway, you might learn something.

Neck Kisses Erykah Badu said it best: I want somebody to walk up behind me and kiss me on my neck. Neck kisses just might be the sexiest thing a man can do to a woman…for real. There’s nothing like standing in the mirror combing my hair and feeling arms wrapped around my waist and lips on the nape of my neck…yeah…I like those.

Random Stuff I go to trivia every Thursday (almost every Thursday), I like amusement parks, and my wine tasting skills are phenomenal (not really, but I front like they are). I like to do arbitrary, random stuff and can’t be bothered with someone who is too good or too manly to ever try the things I want to try. In the words of Plex from Yo Gabba Gabba!: Try it! You’ll like it!

Sex I like…scratch that…LOVE sex. A lot. Whatever man decided that women only have sex with men to get what they want is an idiot. Whatever woman decided to use sex as a weapon is also an idiot. Just to make things very very clear: JUST BECAUSE I LIKE SEX DOES NOT MEAN I’M HAVING SEX WITH YOU!!!! I [try to] choose my partners very wisely and 99% of men NEVER make the cut. Ok, maybe 95%, but I’ve come up with a formula to not count some of them (I’ll go over it in a future post). Those who do, however, should understand that sex is a very important part of our relationship and I’m the only person you should be having sex with if you want me to be the only person you’re having sex with.

Music If Van Hunt is playing at the Double Door on a Tuesday night, I need you to A) know who Van Hunt is and B) be willing to go with me to the show. Extra credit for having the tickets already. I like music and I don’t mean the crap they play on the radio…except Gucci Mane…Brrrrr!!!! We don’t have to have the exact same taste in music, but we need to be able to have a conversation about the artistic merits of Mozart, Mihalia Jackson, Metallica, and Memphis Bleek.

Talking I love to talk. Sometimes it’s hard to shut me up so either you talk back or you shut up and listen. If constant communication is out of your comfort zone, there’s a gorgeous deaf mute working at the Whole Foods on Roosevelt.

Dressing up My hot ass dress collection is not about to go to waste so we’re leaving the house, Mister!!! Every once in a while, I love to get gorgeous and go out. (Read: You need to own clothes that complement my hot ass dress and hot ass shoes).

Intelligence Notice I didn’t say educated. There’s a HUGE difference between a man with intelligence and a man with a degree. I can not even express how sexy a man with a library of books he’s actually read is. Introduce me to a book I enjoy and I might be your love slave.

Talladega Nights Seriously?! Do I need to explain? Same goes for Any Given Sunday, Remember the Titans, The Color Purple, and Steel Magnolias….and Purple Rain.

And finally…

PDA What the hell you mean you don’t wanna hold my hand in public?!?! If I bust my head in these tall ass shoes trying to walk down these stairs, you better pray to baby Jesus I black out and forget what happened because when I come to, I’m kicking you in the nuts. I like being doted on and although I’m not a fan of being slobbed down in public, I need you to act like you’re out with a wonderful woman that other men would be lucky to have. I promise I’m thinking that I’m out with a magnificent man that other women would be lucky to have…and acting accordingly.

Maybe I wrote this for someone in particular, maybe I didn’t. Truthfully, I wrote it for myself because any man who chooses to date me should be willing to find out this information all on his own. I think everyone should come up with a list of their likes…not what they want from a significant other, but what they personally enjoy. I mean, how on earth can you express your needs and desires to someone else if you have no clue what they are your damn self?

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