Straight Up Menace

Women give men the benefit of the doubt far too often. Visions of growing old alone cause many of us to look past shit we should be running away from. We meet a new guy and we rationalize their asinine behavior by calling it a quirk when he’s actually displaying a huge character flaw. Perhaps it’s our innate desire to want to heal the sick. Maybe we’re blinded by his charms. Mostly we’re in denial. Serious denial. He won’t get better. Buddy’s crazy and you’ll get stuck with a psycho if you don’t get out now! These men are a little different than those Undateables; they’re Menaces To Society and should be socially avoided at all costs.

Mr. Needy Did this bastard just tell me he missed me? Fool, I just met yo ass a week ago! Get your emotional, needy ass away from me!!! It may seem all sweet that he calls in the middle of the day just to hear the sound of your voice, but every day?! And after a week?! It’s not sweet, it’s weird. A man that falls in love that easily has some relationship issues and needs to seek counseling ASAP. We’re way too old for puppy love and adults have to think about adult relationship issues, not just how cute I looked when you first met me. Even if the excessive desire for your attention is cute **eye roll**, the nutso behavior when he can’t reach you is not. I haven’t heard from you! Are you mad at me? Hey stranger! Are you too busy for me? Maybe that’s why I don’t have a man, but that needy shit is for the birds…loony birds.

Females Please do not call me a female. Call me a bitch. Call me a hoe. (At any given time, it might be true). Do NOT call me a female! To me, it is probably the single most disrespectful thing a man can call a woman and they don’t even realize how disgusting it is. Although female is a noun, it’s usually used to describe a person or animal’s sex. The modern, urban usage has replaced bitch in some men’s vocabulary and I cringe every time some idiot uses it. Most time it goes like this: “This female is a ….” or “These females out here….” or “I met this female…” My issue just isn’t with the word “female,” it’s what happens after I mention how much I despise it’s use. An overwhelming majority of the men who use it in place of a reasonable alternative on a regular basis defend why women are just females. You can’t change a misogynistic asshole who’s calling you a female to your face and a bitch behind your back.

I Don’t What kind of grown ass man says “I don’t eat seafood?” One that is allergic and that should be it. There are a million different animals that live in water so unless you’ve tried every single last dish made with crustaceans, it is virtually impossible to know for certain that you don’t like seafood. You sound like an idiot with little exposure to anything but TGI Friday’s and I’m too damn old to be introducing grown ass men to new things!!! Okay, off my soapbox. Seriously, I have a problem with adults who deal in absolutes of what they don’t do, especially when they’ve never attempted it. People are shaped by their experiences and if you limit your experiences because of things you don’t do, then we have a serious problem. It’s ok to have never seen a Broadway show. It’s NOT ok for a grown ass man to tell you he won’t go see one. If he’s not open to new life experiences, how can you be sure he’s not basing his entire life on things he already knows, including things that should have already been remedied in therapy. Worse off is a man who refuses to do certain things because “it’s gay”. Last I checked, homosexuality involved the romantic attraction of two people of the same sex and I’m not sure when getting those raggedy ass feet taken care of involved two men sharing a romantic evening together. If you ask a man about his likes and all he can tell you about are his dislikes and how everything is gay, RUN!!! He’s a closet homosexual who only eats at McDonald’s and goes to the movies for entertainment. (See how stupid absolutes are?)

Since this blog is about one person, my worst dating nightmare, you probably won’t encounter a man who’s this screwed. If you do, however, don’t say I didn’t warn you. If you meet someone like him, then you know the signs. He’s a Menace to Society – well perhaps not society, but at the very least to your Saturday evening. He may not have these exact issues, but there are certain things that can not be overcome and if it’s something that bothers you, either get over it or move on because nothing is changing. Your attempts at correcting his flaws because he has “potential” are futile. Look at it this way, he just may not be the one for you. How would you feel if a man told you you’d be perfect except for… **laundry list of imperfections**? You may learn to love him, flaws and all, but expecting a complete personality makeover is a waste of your time and his, too. If he annoys you to the point of necessary alterations, then chances are you need to dust yourself off and try again.

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