Urban Legends

Once upon a time, every problem in a sitcom relationship was solved before the half hour episode was over. Cliff apologized to Claire. Martin got a kiss and his ears groped by Gina. Fancy giggled at Jamie’s antics and attributed his buffoonery to “Jamie being Jamie”. Fortunately, shows like Girlfriends and The Game showcase relationships slightly more realistically. Thirty minutes isn’t nearly enough time to fix Jill’s hurt feelings after Tim made fun of her snoring on “Tool Time”. (Although Jill probably should have gotten over it since she blew out Tim’s engine because she didn’t recognize the “check engine” light meant check the flippin’ engine). The same way life doesn’t work the way it does on television, some of the things we believe about relationships don’t work either. Here are some common myths that just don’t cut it:

Having a baby saves everything This is the single most foolish thing I’ve ever heard of, and in this day and age, people STILL believe it will work. If your relationship is on shaky ground, shitty diapers and projectile vomit won’t be fixing much, now will it? Bringing a life into this world to prove your commitment to each other is about as dumb as (I’ve been sitting here for 20 minutes trying to think of something as equally dumb as having a baby to keep a man and I have yet to come up with anything remotely close). Raising a child together requires more than just the 30 seconds it took to make one. If you want him to marry you, having his child isn’t going to get you an engagement ring. Teething ring, perhaps but no diamonds. From what I’ve gathered, many men don’t equate doing the right thing to marrying the mother of their child(ren). In some cases, the baby happens to come before the marriage, and the marriage works out but this is not the norm. There wouldn’t be so many single parents if life worked out that way. The only guarantee of having a kid with someone is that your child will have half of his DNA and half of yours. Children are not weapons in your little Love War, so unless the two of you are committed to each other 100%, invest in some birth control.

Love is all you need You’re joking, right? Marriage is a business contract between two people who love each other and have decided to devote the rest of their lives to one another. You need a license to get married and a judge to end it. Sounds like a legal transaction to me. Yeah there are other things involved, but you can have a commitment without a marriage license. Many people go into marriage without the clear understanding that love can’t fix everything. Being in love is a chemical imbalance…yeah I said it! All those butterflies and palpitations you felt when you were dating are from completely different reasons after marriage. Where will we live? How will we raise the kids? Can we afford to take this trip? The superficial “in love” is replaced by a much deeper love that stems from mutual respect, friendship and understanding so if all you have to go on is “he gives me goosebumps,” the cute way he chews his French toast is gonna piss you off a few years down the road. Getting married for love only isn’t enough, because it takes a lot more than love to make a marriage work. One would assume you’re together because you love each other and you haven’t married every man you’ve loved so there must be something more to it. As much as I loved my ex-husband, it wasn’t enough to hold together our marriage. I couldn’t trust him to do anything (and I mean things like trust him to not leave the backdoor wide open all night long). Love is only one piece of the 1000 piece marriage puzzle, so if that’s all you’ve got to go on, you might wanna wait until you’ve figured out where some of the other pieces fit.

Steve Harvey Are you really about to follow the advice of a man who wore a wig and twenty button suits? For real, son?!? Never mind the fact that he’s been married five times (ok, so maybe he likes the way women look in veils and white dresses), when did STEVE HARVEY become a relationship guru? Ok, here I am, the pot calling the kettle black since I spend a lot of time dishing out advice. What I do, though, is offer my humble opinion based on my experience and present it as such. Nothing I’ve ever said is a steadfast rule, only wisdom I’ve gained from my own failures and successes. I would NEVER say that what works for me will work for every single woman on the planet, so I find it very concerning when a man gives a woman rules on how to get a man. Women shouldn’t have to alter their thinking to get a man. A guy I know said something that made a lot of sense…he asked if I ever wondered why there isn’t a similar book like Steve Harvey’s geared toward men. There might be, but I can guarantee it didn’t make New York Times bestseller list. Why? Because men don’t need anyone telling them how to think and neither do you! Advice isn’t, and should never be, a steadfast rule. I say this all the time, if you want to know what’s going on with your mate: ASK THEM!!!! Remember that episode of The Boondocks when Grandpa was dating the chick who was getting ridiculous advice from her crazy friend and blew herself up in the end? Add it to your “must watch” list, throw away that Steve Harvey book and when you have a question about someone, ASK THEM!!!!

We have a bad habit of trying to apply TV logic to real life and it NEVER works. Ever! There’s a show on The Discovery Channel called Mythbusters that proves many urban legends to be fallacious, created by Hollywood to make us believe that we live in a cool place where solutions are no more than two hours away. We believe in Dr. Phil and Steve Harvey because they’re famous and famous people MUST know what they’re talking about. They don’t…but you do. Listen to yourself, your mind, your heart, your mate. The day you believe the Urban Legends is the day you’re doomed…Temple of Doom.

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6 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Trackback: Tweets that mention Urban Legends « Uncommon Sense -- Topsy.com
  2. Christelyn Karazin
    Aug 23, 2010 @ 12:56:22

    Ah! Just saw your comments on Twitter! You MUST join our “No Wedding, No Womb!” blog blitzkrieg on Sept.22

    Reply

  3. monique
    Aug 29, 2010 @ 11:51:14

    another great one JK! i was just wondering why there are no good books for “how to understand your woman” on the market. do you think men don’t want to understand women? don’t read?

    Reply

    • cindasmommy
      Aug 29, 2010 @ 17:04:55

      I think they understand something we don’t: it’s a waste of time trying to figure all women out when the rules for one woman might be way different than the next. They probably have realized there are no rules. (Men are smarter than they look).

      Reply

  4. 網路行銷
    Sep 16, 2010 @ 15:26:48

    It is certainly a lovely post. An information something like this demonstrates just how steeply the concept is actually thought of by creator.

    Reply

  5. 乳膠床墊
    Sep 17, 2010 @ 10:10:09

    I am so happy to read this. This is the kind of manual that needs to be given and not the random misinformation that is at the other blogs. Appreciate your sharing this best doc.

    Reply

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