This Is Where We’ve Been Hiding

Single women tend to congregate in groups to the same types of places over and over again in hopes of catching the eye of the only attractive guy who is past puberty and not yet in need of a convalescence home. We flock to church each and every Sunday in our cutest dresses and heels thinking this is the week God is going to send HIM to us. We go to bars and clubs with our girlfriends hoping he’s there too. He’s not. I don’t know where HE is, hell he may be standing on the el platform on your way home from work. Today’s lesson isn’t for US though…it’s for them…MEN. Fellas, guess what. You all complain about there never being any women where you hang out. Well you’re right, we wouldn’t be hanging in your boy’s living room watching you play Guitar Hero. You need to GET OUT!!!! I’ll tell you where to go if you promise to behave when you get there.

School
Part One: Get an education!!! This is where it all begins and it’s never too late. Any man with a degree will tell you the women outnumber the men on the majority of college campuses. Not only are gonna meet chicks, you’ll be learning at the same time. You know what women love? A well-rounded, educated man so don’t stop just because you have a couple of degrees. Take a few classes here and there: dance, pottery, flower arranging. You’d be surprised at how many available women are spending their evenings in a class instead of sitting at home alone. Even if there aren’t any women you’d like to date, they have friends!! Be upfront about your desire to “hang out” and she might have a girlfriend who is perfect for you. Afterschool drinks aren’t too far-fetched and you can invite your boys, too.

Part Two: Do you know how many horny, lonely teachers there are at elementary schools? Teachers aren’t the old gray-haired spinsters of yesteryear. We’re young, attractive and LOVE to have a good time (takes a bow). We look at women and children ALL DAY LONG and any man who’s ever walked into a school knows how high his stock is. Even the homeliest man becomes desirable when women are surrounded by other women all day long. Given today’s economy, it’s not too far-fetched for one to be unemployed…ever thought about teaching? Many charter schools will allow you to teach with a college degree while you earn your teaching certificate and principals hire men in a heartbeat. If you don’t think teaching is for you, volunteer your time. Read to the babies **swoon** Participate in Career Day **double swoon** Sign up for Principal for a Day **panties drop** We LOVE to see men helping the kids and we are VERY grateful…

R&B Concerts: You know good and well you like that one song by Musiq. You know the one that made you tear up at your boy’s wedding. Well guess who LOVES Musiq? You guessed it, WE DO!!! Women flock to these shows and we don’t come alone. The ratio of women to men was probably 10:1 at the India Arie concert at the House of Blues last year and all I kept thinking was “Men are STUPID!!!” If I were a dude, I’d be at every single last concert involving ballads and love songs. Women there are vulnerable and in a sentimental mood. Research the artist, learn a few songs and show up at the show with your sensitive brother swag. I can guarantee you’ll have your choice of women.

Brunch: My friends and I have a motto: We Brunch Hard! Wake your ass up before 1pm on the weekends, find the trendy brunch spot du jour, grab a table for one and let the sparks fly. Mimosas are often on special and women LOVE champagne…we really do. Breakfast food is generally inexpensive so if someone happens to catch your eye, it won’t break the bank to pick up her tab and it definitely will earn you some points. If things work out, the two of you may end up there for brunch again….after a date the night before…get my drift?

I’m sure there are tons of other places to meet women, but these seem to be where we hang out en masse. Since I’ve given you guys the heads up, how many of you are willing to reciprocate? Where are all the men hiding? My single friends (and me for that matter) wanna know!

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5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Jacob
    Jul 25, 2010 @ 16:51:49

    You are right about the R&B concerts, but guys don’t go to these concerts together; it’s against the man-code. I’m a professed R&B head, but I guarantee that 99% of the straight men at a Jill Scott concert are attending with a date or female friend. Thanks for the tip on the brunches :). Again, I’ve only done the brunch thing with a date. And to quickly answer your question, you’ll find Brothas at the gym.

    Reply

  2. Carl Williams
    Jul 26, 2010 @ 01:02:52

    I say it all depends on what type of guy you are looking for. If you are looking for more mature guy you will less likely find him at the a bar or club unless he’s had a stressful and/or long day at the office. If you are looking for the opposite you can find him damn near any place.

    But I’m married so I don’t know much!!!!

    Reply

  3. Catherine Terresa
    Jul 26, 2010 @ 12:31:48

    Excuse me Mr. Williams? Where did you go before you got married?

    Reply

    • Carl Williams
      Jul 26, 2010 @ 23:18:19

      Catherine, before I got married I hung out in just about every place I would never want to meet a girl at (for anything serious anyways) clubs and bars until close, late night eat spots you name it I was there.

      But in addition to that I’ve always been active in community service activities with various organizations and take classes here and there when I have time (right now I am learning sign language). Not to mention the many hours I put in at the office working on projects with others(these are all places I wouldn’t mind meeting other people if I wasn’t married that is….. well I’m not sure about work, maybe if we were in different departments!!)

      The lady who finally became my wife I actually met years ago at college when we were both freshmen. Over the years we had a few bumps in the road (due to me being immature) and finally after quite some time I grew up and the rest is history. I’ve been married for 3 years now.

      Reply

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