Ten Commandments

Summertime in Chicago is the most wonderful time of the year. BBD and Salt and Pepa at the Taste, neighborhood fests and barbecues as well as all of the patio dining a person could ask for. We wait nine long cold months for June, July and August and every single year, people ruin it by breaking the Ten Commandments of Summertime in the Chi. “There are Ten Commandments of Summertime in the Chi,” you ask incredulously? Yes, there are and if you didn’t know, perhaps that’s why you and your fellow Chicagoans keep breaking them. I’m in a super-awesome mood and hate to see them broken so I’ll share and I expect you to share them as well.

1. Thou shalt wear clothes appropriate for the weather AND your age, body type, and venue. If you’re not sure, ask someone.

2. Thou shalt not let your children play in the fire hydrant on your major street. Side street fool! Side street.

3. Thou shalt not invite your summer dip AND your baby mama/daddy to the same barbecue. We don’t wanna see your drama.

4a. Thou shalt not spend more money on fireworks/firecrackers/dynamite than you do child support.

4b. Thou shalt not light fireworks/firecrackers/dynamite AFTER the 4th.

5. Thou shalt not barbecue, braid hair, or bring out the coffee table and play cards on the front porch.

6. Thou shalt not sit on other people’s cars. Vehicles are not meant to be $20,000 ass cushions.

7. Thou shalt not have hairy legs, crotches, or pits. If it’s hairy and might be visible in your outfit, shave it. (See the First Commandment)

8. Thou shalt not allow your child’s brain to rot by letting them watch TV and play video games all summer long. READ A BOOK!!

9. Thou shalt not throw garbage all over the city because you’re too lazy to find a garbage can.

And most importantly:

10. Thou shalt not go around shooting people because your dumb ass is drunk, angry and stupid. You’re making the rest of us look drunk, angry and stupid.

Happy Summer Chicagoans!!



1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Leslie
    Jul 12, 2010 @ 13:33:37

    #5 is my fav! We need posters all over my neighborhood to let these fools know what’s up.


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