It’s All Pretty Simple

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again, women don’t know how to STFU. Men don’t either, but the female species takes the cake. We have a tendency to get upset about things that are inane and trivial, especially with the menfolk we’re currently bedding -or not bedding if you’re on a celibacy kick. While there are some things men do that are worthy of a tongue lashing (such as forgetting your birthday or boning your sister) others deserve a pass. There aren’t that many so take heed.

1. Looking at other women: I’ve witnessed men ogle other women while they’re with their husband/boyfriend/fiance and seen others keep their eyes forward as if they’re wearing blinders. Both are absolutely laughable. There’s a fine line between harmless people watching and disrespectful assholedness but throwing a hissy fit every time a woman catches your man’s eye is an exercise in futility. There are women on this earth that your man will be physically attracted to because men are visual beings. They like the way things look. If he’s not breaking his neck to stare at a woman in booty shorts, then leave him alone when you catch him looking at the chick who is a ringer for **insert name of the current hot chick**. He’s walking, driving, sitting with you because he’s WITH YOU and obviously wants to be there!! Why make him change his mind with nagging about looking at an attractive woman? If you’re trying to keep him from cheating, you’re wasting your time because chances are, the woman he’s staring at probably wouldn’t have anything to do with him anyway. The point is, men like to look at women and if you’ve trained your man not to do it in your presence, he more than likely does a whole lot of it when you’re not around. A whole lot. Get over yourself, there are going to be women that your significant other finds attractive, so long as he’s not drooling, approaching her, or putting you down – LET HIM LOOK!

2. Hanging out with his boys WITHOUT YOU – I used to date a guy who would always let me hang out with him and his boys ALL THE TIME. We watched sports, went to barbecues and parties, and randomly hung out together. I was 22 and it was ok then. I’m older, wiser, and have made friends that share the same interests as I do. Men tend to keep the same friends for the rest of their lives and do everything with them while women have different friends for different occasions. (We’re much more multidimensional than they are.) Men do and say things around their friends that we never need to see or hear. I call them “manversations”. It’s not that they can’t talk to you about stuff, but they prefer the non-judgemental, non-nagging conversation they have with their boys. For all the good advice we believe we’re giving, it usually goes in one ear and out the other. The time they spend with their friends gives them a chance to have their manversations and make fart jokes. Why would you want to interrupt that with your presence? Let him stay out till 3 am at the club with his boys without calling, just make sure you both understand that it can’t become a habit. He needs his space just as much as you do so give it to him. Don’t be a nag making him call every hour to “check in” and don’t give him a curfew. You’re not his mother and if you don’t trust him, your relationship has deeper issues than just him hanging out too late at night with the boys.

3. The female friend – She’s beautiful, loves sports, drinks beer, calls your boyfriend her best friend and you hate every fiber of her being. She tries to be nice to you but you know something is up between them so you ban him from spending so much time with him. He obliges, she understands, you’re happy…or so you think. Are you really satisfied dictating his friendships? You shouldn’t be as there are very reasonable alternatives to banning their relationships.

Platonic male-female friendships are an urban legend for some and a reality for others. Many of these relationships have experienced some form of physical attraction and perhaps, physical contact at the beginning or during the friendship. People who spend a lot of time together sometimes become attracted to each other and while not everyone acts on these feelings, they happen and it’s natural. Believing that something happening is inevitable is foolish, though. Does every gay man have a relationship with his gay male friends? Nope!! You can’t assume that something WILL happen just because he’s a man and she’s a woman and their body parts biologically fit together. If you find yourself in a situation with a man with a female best friend, try the following:

* Befriend her – She may be looking for your approval and turning your nose up at her advances for girl time might be the beginning of the end of your relationship with him. He wants you two to get along and if you’re the hold out, you might find yourself on the outside looking in. Invite her to lunch or for a spa day and be genuine. She’s gonna report her feelings about you to him and he trusts her way more than he trusts you.

*If she’s single, play matchmaker – You’ll be a lot less worried about her trying to weasel in on your man if she’s got one of her own. You know that guy you dated that you still talk to? Yeah, him. They might be perfect for each other. Plan a group outing to a concert in the park or throw a party and invite her. It may not lead to a full-blown love affair, but she may enjoy his company and get a new drinking buddy out of the deal.

*Trust him – If he says they’re just friends, then they’re just friends. If he’s lying, then you don’t need to be with a lying cheater anyway. Just remember, she doesn’t owe you anything, HE does and all he owes you is the truth.

Relationships are tricky, but men are the most uncomplicated creatures on this earth. For the most part, they use logic and not emotion to guide their decision making. Finding a balance between logic and emotion is difficult but at the end of the day, it’s a lot easier to compromise and keep the little stuff little than to start all over with someone who may be more screwed up than the one you’ve already unscrewed.

Good luck!

*** I spoke with a very good friend about the whole female/male friendship and I just want to make this very clear: If your mate’s relationship with his female friend is inappropriate (overnight drunken sessions, physical contact usually reserved for couples, she NEVER leaves) then you might want to address their “relationship”. Some women aren’t as forthright with their intentions and may actually be up to no good. All I’m saying is, Don’t act foolish, but don’t be a fool.


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Jeff
    Jul 06, 2010 @ 16:39:45

    I almost got a tear in my eye….I didn’t think it was possible for a woman to understand somethings that are so damn simple…….All dat dayumn nagging and trying to check a man is the thing that make yo man leave in the first place. It’s all pretty simple…. Keep up the good work Jenny


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