STFU

Women are dumb. No seriously, we are. I like to think of myself as one of the few who have overcome estrogen to become The Enlightened. I fancy myself as a dude’s chick. I genuinely like sports, I drink beer, love steak, refuse to ask for directions, and hate Sex and the City. I’m not masculine in any way, shape or form, I just choose not to do chick stuff. Over the years, I listen to my girls gripe about stuff their menfolk do. Instead of talking to their mate, they buy Steve Harvey’s book or watch Dateline about the absence of good black men. I want to look them square in the eye and say STFU!!! Many times, the answer to women’s problems is to STFU and as always, I’ll explain. (I’m a teacher, it’s what I do).

He says: Damn girl, where you been?

She says: Nowhere. Why? Where have YOU been? Why do you wanna know? What?! Are you saying I usually look bad? Blah blah blah….

I say: STFU!!! It’s a compliment!! Say thank you and keep it moving. As much as we’d like a perfect compliment, you chicks are so silly that no matter what he says, you’ll find a way to take offense to it. Compliments don’t always come wrapped in a pretty bow. Sometimes they come in a Target bag. It’s not how it’s packaged, it’s what was intended.

He says: Baby, the train leaves at 4 from platform 12.

She says: But the sign says it leaves at 5 from platform 16. We’re gonna miss our train then we won’t make it then we’ll be late…blah blah blah.

I say: STFU!!! This actually happened yesterday on our way to Ravinia at the Metra station. A woman INSISTED she was right, yelling at her male companion from halfway across the station. She was wrong. Really wrong. All she had to do was STFU and listen. She was looking at the wrong time. She was wrong. Very wrong. He was right. She was wrong. Word of advice: unless you’re absolutely positive, STFU or at the very least, don’t yell across the train station about how wrong your man is when you’re the one who’s wrong. Dead wrong.

He says: Honey let’s go to that hot new restaurant everyone is talking about this Friday at 8 PM.

She says: OK, make sure you make reservations.

He says: We won’t need them. My boy got a hook up and if he’s not there I’m sure we can get a seat at the bar.

She says: But I don’t wanna sit at the bar. Blah blah blah….

I say: STFU and make the damn reservation! If he insists upon just stopping by and hoping for a table, don’t follow that foolishness then waste your time sitting at the bar with an attitude. Why argue about something that is simple (and free) to do? Pick up your iPhone or BlackBerry, get the number, make a reservation – do it in his name for all I care – and go out for dinner. Some women will purposely get dressed up and go out KNOWING FULL WELL they won’t get a table just to prove a point. When you’re right, YOU’RE RIGHT!! Like my grandma always said, don’t cut off your nose to spite your face. You end looking like a fool with no nose.

He says: We can go out for brunch after the football game.

She says: But I’m hungry and it’ll be too late and I thought Sundays were for us…blah blah BLAH!!!

I say: STFU and go out for brunch with your girlfriends who don’t watch football. Even better, COOK brunch. Even MORE better, get online and order from Grub Hub. Same rules apply for playoffs of any sport. Stop pretending that your plans are more important than the game. They’re not. He does the dumb shit you wanna do so show some respect for the sanctity of athletics and get some business. Download Score Mobile, check his favorite teams’ schedules and plan things that you want to do during those times like get a pedicure or visit your mother. Chances are you’ll be glad you got some alone time without him complaining about having to hold your purse while you try on 15 little black dresses.

I don’t claim to be a relationship “guru” but experience is an excellent teacher. I’ve learned from the mistakes I’ve made as well as the many mistakes of my friends, associates, and random women I’ve watched screw up royally. I’m single, but relationship status isn’t an indicator of relationship success potential. I’d make a pretty good girlfriend, I just haven’t met anyone who’d make a pretty good boyfriend…yet…or maybe I have… ANYWAY! The point is, sometimes, the best thing to do is to STFU, you never know how much you’ll actually hear when your mouth isn’t always running.

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. MsWendyK
    Jun 07, 2010 @ 22:29:00

    Bravo!!! You are so dead-on and brutally honest. Keep ’em coming.

    Reply

  2. YoMaMa
    Jun 10, 2010 @ 16:31:54

    STFU! Good marriage are ruined if you don’t just STFU! You must have got that from me. Experience makes you wish you would have STFU!

    Reply

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