My Gears are Grinding (February 2009)

My favorite person in the world, Peter Griffin, has had his gears ground/grinded and on my way to lunch today, Diva came on the radio and the first thing I could think of was, “Beyonce really grinds my gears.” As I was driving and the stupid CTA bus drove slowly and picked up passengers on the green light and made me miss it entirely, I thought how crappy driving really grinds my gears, too. And here we go, my next note.

1. Beyonce – I’m not a hater. The girl is beautiful, however, she’s a walking contradiction. A diva is no way, shape, or form a female version of a hustler. As a matter of fact, they border on being opposites. And since when does a woman who goes to the beach in full make-up, heels, and jewelry roll around the hood with a six pack. For real, Bey? And for the record, Jay-Z is not a thug. Once you become a mogul, you lose your street cred. Pookie is a thug. Man-Man is a thug. Trick Daddy in his Polo jeans, is a thug. Jay-Z is a mogul, so sorry Beyonce, you don’t have a Soldier.

2. Men that act like women – No, I don’t mean The Boys. I mean men that roll their eyes and give you the silent treatment when they’re mad about something (and since they’re silent you have no idea what). Man up, Nigga and stop acting like a BITCH!!!

3. Bad Drivers – This category includes various people and everyone has fallen into it. Folks who won’t let you merge. Idiots who speed around you to make it to the SAME RED LIGHT!!! Dummies who stop and look both ways before getting on the expressway. Traffic Controllers who drive 55 in the far left lane to make sure no one else is speeding. Old people, young people, drunk people, most women (sorry ladies, but a lot of you are bad drivers). The nicest thing anyone else has ever said to me is that I drive like a cab driver because if I drove a semi, I would run your ass off the road.

4. Bad Customer Service – Maybe you’re having a bad day, I don’t know, but how the hell is that my fault and since when am I the one who’s wrong? If I said no mayonnaise, no tomatoes add ketchup and mustard and there is a tomato on my Jr. Bacon, I have the right to return it and get the right sandwich without your nasty attitude. Same goes for call centers…your job is to provide a service to your customer and with this economy, folks need to be a little nicer. (This one is really for the “salespeople” in the Arden B. in Lincoln Park. You really can’t sell anything eating Subway at the register).

5. Nosiness – I know I look young, but I am so unsure how it is anyone’s business where my daughter’s father is, was I married to him, what my baby is “mixed” with, etc. One day, I’m going to answer, “None of your got damn business” and see how well that goes.

6. Church Folk – I grew up as a church kid, but somehow, I lost my way. Not from the Lord, but from church. I find it really hard to take someone seriously when they talk about you behind your back Monday through Saturday while sitting in bible study, choir rehearsal, and the ursher board meeting and then turn their nose up at you on Sunday morning as they Halleluja and Amen. I may be a sinner, but, um, yeah, so are you. Last time I checked, we have ALL fallen short of the glory of the Lord.

7. Uppity Negroes – I’m a kindergarten teacher. I chose to be a teacher and I like my job (most of the time). Please don’t give me the tsk, tsk because I’m “only” a teacher and not a “real professional.” Fool, I made you! Well, not me, but somebody with the same job, CAREER, as mine. I am a professional, the most important one there is.

8. February – August – I have nothing to watch on Sunday afternoon.

9. Kanye West – He’s just really annoying.

10. The state of music – I can’t lie and say “Bitch, I Might Be” isn’t on my iPod, but so is Donnie Hathaway, John Coltrane, Queen and Beethoven. There needs to be a separate category at the Grammys called “Music that Sells a Lot Because Some People Don’t Understand Real Music and Like Crap.” That way, I wouldn’t be annoyed about Lil’ Wayne winning one. [Note from author: As of March 24, 2010 my iPod was stolen and my new media card on my phone only has Sy Smith}

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